February 5, 2006

PLEASE HELP SAVE OUR MONUMENTS TO IGNORANCE AND OPPRESSION!

Plan to stop churches going to ruin (Eben Harrell, The Scotsman, February 5th, 2006)

Conservationists are calling on entrepreneurs to take over Scotland's abandoned churches and turn them into everything from petrol stations to bars in an effort to save them from ruin.

Hundreds of rural churches and city steeples are under threat from the country's increasing Godlessness. Dwindling congregation numbers now pose the largest threat to Scotland's historic character and must be countered through innovative business planning, say conservationists.

They pointed to a variety of successful church conversions, including bars and nightclubs, activity centres and the popular Oràn Mór arts venue in Glasgow.

We hear Michael Jackson has agreed to do his bit by releasing a special collection of traditional Scottish hymns.


Posted by Peter Burnet at February 5, 2006 6:54 AM
Comments

Why not just turn them into Mosques?

Posted by: morry at February 5, 2006 9:15 AM

Notice the pressing problem is preserving Scotland's "historic character" and not its moral character.

Posted by: Buttercup at February 5, 2006 9:19 AM

No doubt Michael will sing wearing a kilt (after demanding that the lads do, too).

Posted by: ratbert at February 5, 2006 9:47 AM

Oh, what a parish, a terrible parish;
Oh, what a parish is that o' Dunkeld.
They hangit their minister, droon'd their precentor,
Dang doun the steeple and fuddled the bell.

The steeple was doun but the kirk was still staunin',
They biggit a lum whaur the bell used to hang.
A stell-pat they gat and they brewed Hielan' whisky;
On Sundays they drank it and ranted and sang.

O, had you but seen how graceful it lookit,
To see the crammed pews sae socially joined.
MacDonald the piper stood up in the poopit,
He made the pipes skirl out the music divine.

Wi' whiskey and beer they'd curse and they'd swear;
They'd argue and fecht what ye daurna weel tell.
Bout Geordie and Charlie they bothered fu' rarely
Wi' whisky they're worse than the devil himsel'.

When the hairt-cheerin' spirit had mounted their garret,
Tae a ball on the green they a' did adjourn.
The maids wi' coats kilted, they skippit and liltit,
When tired they shook hands and then hame did return.

If the kirks a' owre Scotland held like social meetin's
Nae warnin' ye'd need from a far-tinklin' bell,
For true love and friends wad draw ye thegither
Far better than roarin' the horrors o' hell.

Posted by: carl at February 5, 2006 10:39 AM

Jackson's interest lies not in Scottish "hymns" but lies with Scottish "hims".

Posted by: obc at February 5, 2006 3:32 PM

Calvary Church is going into Scotland.

They might take up some slack.

Posted by: Sandy P at February 6, 2006 12:01 AM

You beat me to it, Carl. But note that Dunkeld is in the lowlands .... heh

Posted by: too true at February 6, 2006 9:45 AM
« NEXT STEP–-RATIONED OIL | Main | MY HEAD SAYS SEATTLE, BUT THE VOICES TELL ME PITTSBURGH: »