MARRIAGE DOES MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE, BUT NOT THAT MUCH:

The Way of All Flesh: On Christian sex sites, anything goes, so long as you are married (JoAnn Wypijewski, July/August 2006, Mother Jones)

The Reverends Paul and Lori Byerly of Austin, Texas, established The Marriage Bed to rescue sex from the porn industry and the shame-mongers of their own faith. Although distinguished by its kaleidoscopic approach to people’s desires to express desire just so, theirs is a ministry shared by a vast array of Christian sex counselors, radio talk show hosts, authors, webmasters, itinerant healers, and entrepreneurs across the country. Like so many before, they have remade their God in their own image, to suit their own needs. Himself a voyeur of sorts, present in the bedchamber, seeing whether His creation is good, or not, this sex-friendly God has given an Eleventh Commandment: Christians, have more fun.

The list of “What’s Okay, What’s Not,” as revealed to The Marriage Bed, gives the faithful broad license. They must shun porn, but are commanded to pleasure. They may enjoy oral and anal sex, toys and fantasies, “mild pain” through spanking, biting (so long as nothing becomes a fetish or substitutes for intercourse, and couples fantasize together, of themselves married and forsaking all others). They may study the numerous guides to intimacy and multiple orgasms by the Byerlys and other Christian authors, explore exotic positions, talk dirty, use condoms and other forms of birth control. They may slather their skin with chocolate body butter and Happy Penis Massage Cream, restrain each other with silken bonds, use blindfolds and swings, vibrators and pierced-tongue stimulators, penis extenders and dildos (though not those molded after real flesh). All this may be theirs if they are straight and married.

The Byerlys are both, and as the Reverend Paul writes, “You are married, or you are not. Kind of like you are alive or dead—there really is not much in between.”

They are certainly right that straight monogamous couples can have a varied sex life that's consistent with Judeo-Christian morality, and that others can't, but they run off the rails with the suggestion that intentionally inflicting pain, anal sex and using implements can be reconciled with treating your spouse with human dignity.

Posted by Orrin Judd at June 26, 2006 4:41 PM