February 5, 2006
I'D LIKE TO BUY MY EX A COKE
Divorce, the happy way (India Knight, The Times, February 5th, 2006)
Why are people so unbelievably rubbish at getting divorced? Divorce may have become commonplace, but we appear to have learnt nothing at all during the long decades of its transformation from anomalous to ubiquitous. Worse, it seems that the consequences of divorce today are far more catastrophic than they were 50 years ago, with dysfunctional, angry, unhappy children and their parents still ranting at each other years after the end of the marriage. What is wrong with people?Divorce is not rocket science. You observe that your marriage isn’t working. You file for divorce. The divorce comes through. You realise that the crucial thing is to protect your children and to put your own selfish instincts on hold. You understand, because you have two brain cells to rub together, that since stopping being married doesn’t mean stopping being parents, this will involve developing another kind of lifelong relationship with your children’s father/mother. So you do. Everyone’s a bit shaken up and then everyone’s happier. The end.
Except it rarely is.
The glory of the Enlightenment is that it freed us from irrational passion and prejudice and taught us how to take a calm and reasoned approach to other peoples’ lives.
Posted by Peter Burnet at February 5, 2006 5:56 AM"Why the hell can't people act like the pre-programmed automatons we actually believe they are?"
Posted by: Bruce Cleaver at February 5, 2006 8:02 AM"You observe that your marriage isn’t working." As though it were exactly like an applicance that can be returned for another one. Perhaps marriages should come with one year emotional warranties.
Posted by: Brandon at February 5, 2006 8:41 AMThere is, of course, no obligation to try to fix it.
Posted by: Mike Morley at February 5, 2006 8:55 AMIt's just too darn easy to get married. That's the problem.
Posted by: Bartman at February 5, 2006 9:08 AM"You realise that the crucial thing is to protect your children and to put your own selfish instincts on hold."
Uh, if you were capable of putting your own selfish instincts on hold you wouldn't be filing for divorce.
Bartman: Its the ease of divorce not the ease of marriage that is the problem.
Posted by: Buttercup at February 5, 2006 9:17 AMBartman:
Yeah, and it's just too darn easy to get pregnant and have kids too. Life's a bummer.
Posted by: Peter B at February 5, 2006 9:25 AMChildren are resilient. But adults are fragile and their emotional needs come first.
Posted by: Modern Thought at February 5, 2006 4:37 PMButtercup and Peter:
I'll stand by my statement. If there was some sort of waiting period that also entailed a series of counseling sessions it would really help. The couple needs to agree on finances, whether or not to have kids, faith, and the in-laws role before any marriage is attempted.
Buttercup, you're right as well...it is too easy to get a divorce.
Posted by: Bartman at February 6, 2006 10:08 AMBartman: If it were darn near impossible to get a divorce, prospective couples would do all that stuff (or work them out as they came up, of course...). Of course, by "darn near impossible" the only plausible enforcement is social. Once society decided that divorce should be permitted & easy, the gov't naturally had to follow...
Posted by: b at February 6, 2006 10:56 AMBartman:
That old saw about making marriage tougher has been around for years and is the favouite comeback of divorce advocates embarassed by the rate of divorce. Everybody--churches, courts, governments--thinks it is so sensible and loves to subject heated young lovebirds to lectures from middle-aged bores on how tough marriage is. It works about as well as parental caution in the face of young love has worked for five thousand years.
Posted by: Peter B at February 6, 2006 12:16 PM