WILL THIS BE AN OPEN BOOK EXAM?

UN asks employees to take quiz on ethics (Steven Edwards, National Post, September, 29th 2005)

In the wake of management scandals, the United Nations is trying to increase its employees' integrity by asking them to take a multiple-choice ethics quiz and offering certificates featuring images of African Masai tribesmen to those who do well.

The initiative comes as a Congressional committee launches hearings into the UN's plans for overhauling its management after the General Assembly rejected the sweeping reforms proposed by Secretary-General Kofi Annan.

Being big UN boosters, we’d like to help:

1. You are a commander of UN peacekeeping forces in Africa who are accused of preying sexually on local children. Do you:

a) lament the precociousness of African kids and ask UNESCO to study the problem;
b) assure everyone they used condoms, so what’s the big deal;
c) leer knowingly and boast how your troops are “bad-ass Masai tribesmen”; or
d) blame Israel?

2. You are a UN Special Envoy for AIDS who promised to halve AIDS worldwide when you took the position, but it has quintupled and your position is up for renewal. When a U.S. congressman from Kansas calls for your resignation as a consequence, do you:

a) express your sincere hope he will soon come out of the closet;
b) mumble how more people have been killed by religion than anything else;
c) tell him to take it up with George Bush; or
d) release the results of your new study on how AIDS retards global warming?

3. Fox News reports they have discovered you have a multi-million franc Swiss bank account. Do you:

a) claim you just wanted to avoid exchange hassles on ski-trips;
b) accuse the Zionists of planting it;
c) insist it is a rapid response emergency fund for Swiss tsunami relief; or
d) whine about how everyone will give to a dying child but nobody wants to pay for administration?

4. You are the director of a UN division that has racked up $434,629.00 in unpaid New York City parking fines. Do you:

a) smugly invite them to “take it to the ICC”;
b) declare it would never have happened if New York had decent mass transit in accordance with UN Millenium goals;
c) offer to pay it off over two hundred years at zero per cent; or
d) promise to set it off against U.S. subscription arrears from 1982?

5. Genocidal slaughter erupts in Africa again while UN troops stand by under rules of engagement that prohibit bullets. When denying all responsibility, do you attribute the real blame to:

a) not enough U.S. troops;
b) too many U.S. troops;
c) the wrong kind of U.S. troops; or
d) all of the above.

6. For the three hundred and sixty-fifth time, the U.S. refuses to be bound by Kyoto. In briefing notes you prepare for the Secretary-General, do you urge him to:

a) offer a permanent Security Council seat to North Korea;
b) declare all of California a World Heritage Site;
c) nominate Jesse Jackson as his successor; or
d) ask the Masai tribesmen to face the Gulf of Mexico and do their traditional hurricane dance.

Posted by Peter Burnet at September 29, 2005 4:18 PM