Why the devil did we give up on another offensive into Ontario in 1814 when Oliver Hazard Perry had blasted the Royal Navy to smithereens on Lake Erie? (Peter B., you may answer. ;) )

Is it still OK to formally insult us, as opposed to casually?

First act of W's second term: appoint Zell Miller Ambassador to Canada.

Iran
Syria
Saudia Arabia
North Korea
France
Canada

If they won't show the proper deference to their masters and betters, we should force them to stay in their own country for a a winter or two, instead of permitting their migrating to Florida like a flock of (Canada) geese.

Umm, have you guys considered whether talking about Canadians this way is good for the American economy? Oh, you have, eh?

Something like 45% of the Canadian economy is connected directly to trade with the United States. It's more dependent on friendship with Washington than Hawaii or NYC.

The problem is that Canada is not really a country but is in fact two, stapled together for no good reason other than the convenience of British imperialists. What is the basis of any Canadian unity? The definition of 'Canada' seems to be little more than America with more political correctness, corruption, and socialism.

If Quebec were finally to do the right thing and separate, its constituent parts would have to find separate identities. For Quebec this is quite simple. It is a French speaking island in an English and Spanish sea. They can happily join the EU and no one would really care, as it is a kind of rememdial France for the slow-witted, a place with no creativity, no science, no real commerce, but rather good cuisine.

Anglophone and Allophone Canada would have to do some soul-searching. Albertans and most BCers will have to ask, why they are paying all the bills. Manitobans and Saskatchewanwers will have to ask why they need to be separate from the American agriculture industry. The Maritime provinces will continue to empty out. All across Canada the trade routes go North-South, and that won't change unless Canadians elect someone completely irresponsible.

For most Americans, the complaints from Canadian MPs about us are like hearing the barking of a Lhasa Apso.

Obviously Whittington thinks we're listening.

Well, Bart, there are over 200 countries in the world. Do you believe we would be better off if they were all ethnically homogenous and had a strong sense of national purpose to project beyond their borders.

I think I could pace you on Canada's sins of late, but I must say I am intrigued by the number of theories I see here on why Canada's existence is offensively irrational and her demise inevitable and welcome. Could be, but we're still trucking along after much longer than most of the rest of the world and despite lots of separatist movements. Isn't it a little over the top to have such strong antipathies towards a country that:

A)is stable and friendly and poses absolutely no political, social, military or any other threat on your entire northern border;
B)is your largest trading partner and the most secure source of just about any resource you need;
C)has fought six wars with you in the last hundred years, including three in the last twelve;
D)hasn't caused you to spill a drop of American blood in living memory;
E)is one of the very few countries that hasn't cost you a cent of the taxpayer's dollar;
F)is the only country with a large majority that thinks favourably of Americans.?

Just asking.

Robert:

You mean we're ahead of Cuba? Wow.

Peter,

American unity stems from a common belief in the ideals of our Constitution, not from ethnic and religious homogeneity. There is no rejection of that belief system except among a very small number of lunatics of the Left and Right. By contrast, the majority of Francophone Quebecois obviously feel no need to remain a part of Canada, as is indicated by every sovereignty referendum there. Sovereignty has narrowly lost and no Anglophone or Allophone Quebecker votes to separate.

Some countries need Blut und Stil nationalism to hold them together. Others don't. Is Czechoslovakia worse off as two countries? Nobody there thinks so. Should the Republic of Ireland still be part of the UK? Hardly.

In the US, we all agreed(with the exception of Native Americans, Hawaiians and Black slaves) to come here to participate in a grand experiment. It is precisely this which holds us together despite our diversity. Does Canada have any grand idea which holds it together? Bribing regions and ethnic groups to keep them quiescent does not count as a grand idea.

I think you should re-examine your plus factors about Canada. First, while Canadians don't pose a military threat to us, and in fact a troop of Girl Scouts from Brooklyn could probably take Canada over in about a week, it is a safe haven for terrorists. Hamas is allowed to engage in fund-raising there, and numerous al-Qaeda cells operate pretty much openly especially in Montreal and Toronto. It is a country which bans Fox News Channel but has al-Jazeera. 'Nuff said.

It is a secure source for resources and our largest trading partner. However, would we really be worse off if Quebec split off and Alberta had a referendum to join the States? In that event would Manitoba, Saskatchewan and perhaps BC and the Yukon be far behind.

You fought some wars with us but you also have given and are giving aid and comfort to draft dodgers and deserters, specifically in the Vietnam War and in the current Iraq War. Russia and the US were on the same side in WWII, does that mean that we should have acquiesced to Russian imperial designs? It is Canada which is(and I re-emphasize is, not was) not behaving like a friend to us. Giving aid and comfort to deserters is an act of war by any definition and a President with less of a sense of humor might see the value of offering Paul Martin the option of packing the deserters up and sending them back or seeing the B52s flying over Toronto, Ottawa and Montreal. Maybe the RCAF can rev up a few of its Sopwith Camels and fight them off.

Again, Canadians haven't attacked America. But they haven't done anything to keep potential terrorists off their soil. Ramzi Youssef, inter alia, spent lots of time in Montreal under the protection of the Canadian government.

Canada is actually quite expensive for us. How much do we pay to guard Canadian skies because the Canadians won't fork over the bucks to build even a semi-decent military? Canada gets the same level of air protection as the States, all funded by the US taxpayer. If Canada were to pay its fair share of continental defense, wouldn't that benefit inure to the US taxpayer? And going back to your original point, if Alberta, BC and the Yukon joined the states wouldn't life for Alaskans be cheaper as there would be customs-free road travel to that far-off state?

If a large majority of Canadians think well of Americans, who were those people booing American pee-wee hockey teams in Montreal? Zimbabweans? Malagache? The majority of Canadian youth believe that we are the greatest danger to peace in the world. I bet you that people in Eastern Europe and much of East and South Asia have a higher opinion of us than our supposed good neighbors to the North.

Would the softwoods issue be a problem if the West were incorporated into the States? Would Prairie province farmers be hindered by dopey laws concerning GM produce if they were a part of the States? Just look at the election results. Canada is like three or even four countries stapled together. The BQ holds Quebec, the Conservative Party of Canada rules the West except for some parts of Winnepeg and Vancouver, the Liberals run Ontario and the Maritimes and the NDP gets votes from the terminally disgruntled.

Bart:

Feel better?

Let's take it one by one. Just the facts, M'am.

1. I didn't give you any plus factors about Canada, although I could. Canada is. Why in the world does that fact and the fact that it doesn't seem to have a grand idea trouble you? The whole point about Canada's abdication over Iraq is that it should have understood it is part of something bigger than itself, which was once represented by Britain and is now represented largely by you. Don't talk to me about grand ideas. It's the left up here that suffers the conceit about grand ideas. Seen any grand ideas out of Switzerland, South Korea or Norway recently?

2. Where do you and others get the idea that all or parts of Western Canada would somehow be just fall as if by gravity into the States or that it is Quebec that is keeping them out? There is a lot of dissension in the West right now (actually there always has been), but they are light years behind Quebec, which hasn't made it yet. More to the point, I've yet to hear of anyone at all call for joining the States, even in Alberta. Are all ten million of them keeping it a secret? And why is it important to you. The resources are yours for the taking and most of them would vote Democrat (Yes, even in Alberta) It is called trade.

3. There is no aid being given to Iraqi deserters. There is one big mouth from North Carolina who has proclaimed himself a hero of the world's oppressed and claimed refugee status, which triggers a tediously long bureaucratic process. Bet on his coming home soon.

4. The boos in Montreal were humiliating, talked about endlessly on radio and followed up by sustained lusty cheers in Ottawa soon after. I was there.

5. Tom Ridge says we are doing a super job in cross-border, anti-terrorism investment and cooperation;

6. The licensing authority reviewing Fox's application has received 600 submissions from Canadians. 560 are in support.

7. Three days after 9/11, the Government organized a memorial service on Parliament Hill. It announced it by radio at 7:00 am on a work/school day for 11:00 am. They were expecting 10,000. Over 100,000 came, by far the largest in history.

8. "Majority of Canadian youth"? Not according to my kids. Majority of Boomers maybe, but you have that problem too.

9. Re: military expenditures. I agree but confess I don't have a handle on how much would be enough. We seem to be living in the first era in history where the strongest power is irritated at so many countries for not arming themselves more and the response of many countries is to show their independence by intentionally weakening themselves. Strange! Anyway, are you sure this costs you more than it would if we were armed to the teeth? I'm darn sure the U.S. military does not patrol up here and monitoring is done jointly in Colorado by NORAD. Hey, I'll plead guilty if merited, but don't ask me to apologize because Canada is not an ocean!

Now, be honest. Is it what Canada does and doesn't do that bothers you or is it the fact that it exists and you can't figure out why? That certainly troubled a lot of your ancestors. Sorry, I can't help you much there, but I'm pretty sure you could do a heck of a lot worse.

Focus, Bart, focus. There is a war on out there.

If I recall, when Canada had a bigger and better military, we Americans had less problems about them.

1. If Canada were merely Austria to our Germany, a quaint place with better cuisine, great scenery, fabulous music and lower prices, I'd have no problem. However, it is not. Its politicians and journalists whine incessantly about American misdeeds, and have no compunction about lecturing us about their moral superiority. You are not the friendly neighbor, you are the irritating scold who calls the police if I have a barbecue and the stereo gets turned up too loudly. You are the busybody who tells the landlord that I don't recycle. You are the little old lady who complains about my dog barking. You are the snoop who calls the IRS because you think that I am cheating on my taxes.

2. If Quebec seceded, what reason would there be for the rest of Canada to remain separate from the US? Peter Pocklington and others have already proposed referenda of the sort I mentioned. What makes you think that Albertans and others want to subsidize the welfare recipients of Halifax and Sudbury?

3. No aid to Iraqi deserters? So there aren't rock concerts, there isn't judicial footdragging? When Bobby Fischer showed his spotty fat ass in Japan, even after arranging a marriage to a Japanese citizen, the Japanese have made it very clear that outside of a bolt of lightning hitting the Emperor that he will be shipped back to the States for trial. When the North Korean deserter came back to Japan with his Japanese wife, the Japanese government immediately arranged his being handed over to the US. Has the Canadian government showed anything even resembling that kind of cooperation? Back during the Vietnam War, your so-called country gave aid and comfort to tens of thousands of scumbags, who should have been taken out and shot because of their giving aid and comfort to the Communists. What galls me even more is that during and before WWII, when millions of Jews were trying to flee Hitler, the stated policy of Canada towards Jewish refugees was 'None Is Too Many.'

4, The boos were talked about endlessly on radio. Was that the same radio that fired Don Cherry for complaining that Canada should have supported America?

5. Tom Ridge is far dumber than my short Welsh herding dog. He also has far less integrity.

6. The licensing authority is reviewing Canada's application? Fox has been around for at least a decade. How long will they take? Should we take bets on whether the Pope will pardon Gallileo before Canada lets Fox in. Al-Jazeera was on the fast track. They broadcast. Fox doesn't. Canada, through its communications bureaucracy, prefers terrorists to people who support America. That alone speaks volumes.

7. My bet is the only regret those Canadians had was that more New Yorkers, particularly Jewish ones, didn't die. As Golda Meir said, 'Better a critical editorial than a glowing obituary.' Canadians like Americans only when they are being murdered.

8. Your kids are exceptions. I am only quoting polling data that appeared in the States.

9. SAC and NORAD maintain installations on Canadian soil. If you actually did pay your fair share of continental defense the way a non-freeloading 'ally' would, it would save us tens of billions of dollars per year. If you were armed to the teeth, and were an ally that would be fine. No one in the States is upset that Japan spends $60 billion(real money not Canuck funny money) a year on defense. Countries are not showing their independence by weakening themselves, they are freeloading on American defense dollars, e.g. Old European members of NATO which insisted that send tens of thousands of soldiers and planes to stop the Serbs from defending themselves from Muslim terrorist scum.

None of my 'ancestors' could give a rat's derriere about whether Canada existed or not. Some of my relatives would have liked the option of going to Canada rather than to Treblinka, Auschwitz, Drancy and Natzwiller-Struthof. However, Mackenzie King and Duplessis made sure that they would never have that option.

Bart:

Yeah, I guess you are right.