August 12, 2004
LIST? I'VE GOT A TATTOO:
I am woman, hear me whine (Maggie Gallagher, August 10, 2004, Townhall.com)
"Somehow we've even developed the notion that a woman who seeks to meet her husband's needs is subservient (but a husband who fails to meet his wife's needs is a pig)," points out Dr. Laura Schlessinger in her new book, "Woman Power." Its theme is that women have enormous power over men, especially the power to make your average, decent family guy feel miserably inadequate as a man. [...]One artist-husband with a high-powered wife notes: "Every day, Gina prepares this list for me, with all the household tasks and details that I am responsible for completing before she arrives home from work that evening." Picking up his son at school, he observes the mothers. "I somehow doubt that any of them are carrying with them a list of chores from their husbands, detailing the various tasks they must perform that day. I would think that any of these women would laugh at her husband if he tried to give her such a list." (Laugh? Only if he's lucky.)
No doubt Gina would rightly say in her defense that the women do most of the things on her list without being asked. But that only highlights the essential dynamic here: As androgyny becomes the theoretical ideal, and sex differences are treated as nonexistent or suspect, women tend to make "parenting" synonymous with "mothering." And most men really just aren't as good as their wives at being mothers.
As one father tried to explain about his "parenting" experience: "Oh, look, the littler person is crying -- which of the five major reasons could it be? Let me go down the list, after I find the list. Where is the list? Meanwhile my wife will have solved the problem. She doesn't have to consult the list; she is the list."
Has any gay man in a relationship ever had to be held accountable to "The List"? Has any straight married man ever been exempt from the terror of "The List"? This is why a gay couple can never be equated to a married couple. The honor that is bestowed on marriage is the only thing that makes a man capable of enduring the daily ordeal of "The List". Posted by Robert Duquette at August 12, 2004 11:19 AM
I see I am not alone.....
Posted by: Bruce Cleaver at August 12, 2004 11:32 AMYou're doing well if you actually get a list, as opposed to being expected to determine her requirements telepathically.
Posted by: mike earl at August 12, 2004 11:33 AMPerhaps this is churlish, but when is someone going to note there are exactly two things on this planet a woman can do, but a man cannot (and one of them is amenable to substitution from the supermarket shelves), and many, many things a man can do, but a woman cannot.
I'm moving to Antarctica as soon as I hit the Post button.
Posted by: Jeff Guinn at August 12, 2004 11:35 AMThe secret for being a happy husband is not to capitulate to your wife, but to capitulate willingly, enthusiastically and with gratitude, as this recent find explains.
Posted by: tictoc at August 12, 2004 12:28 PMSo are you taking the couch in the basement tonight or the living room, list boy?
Posted by: The Wife at August 12, 2004 12:50 PMThe Dr. has spoken.
Posted by: at August 12, 2004 1:15 PMHeh. The byline is that of Robert Duquette, Mrs/Dr. Judd, not Orrin. Plausible deniability!
Not that I believe Robert wrote it for one minute....
Posted by: Bruce Cleaver at August 12, 2004 1:32 PMI just got back from the dump, ya' cranky old biddy, can I cross that off?
Posted by: oj at August 12, 2004 2:05 PMDr Judd, I take full responsibility for this outrageous display of male cowardice and depravity, please don't hurt Orrin too much. Can he come out and play when he's done with his list?
Posted by: Robert Duquette at August 12, 2004 2:21 PMNow, he did use the word 'honor'.
Jeff - don't stay away too long.
Posted by: jim hamlen at August 12, 2004 4:02 PMBrrrrr.
Posted by: Jeff Guinn at August 12, 2004 6:16 PM> So are you taking the couch in the basement tonight or the living room, list boy?
He'll be sleeping in the cabana.