THANK GOODNESS PETE LACOCK RETIRED::

From Bat to Verse: With training camps in full swing, it's time for an ode to the joys, and boys, of spring (Steve Rushin, February 26, 2003, Sports Illustrated)

Spring, for fans, has finally sprang:
We've seen Joe Torre's (Chien-Ming) Wang.
But will Bob Melvin have the guts
To pull his pitcher, J.J. Putz?
(No, these men are not impostors:
All are on spring training rosters.)
Pasqual Coco? Cesar Crespo?
How, again, does "Let's Go Mets" go?
And will those Mets, before too long,
Light up Atlanta's (young Jung) Bong?
These, and countless other questions
(And Fenway Frank-based indigestions)
Lay all winter, hibernating
In my head, like Zimmer's plating.

Birds return (to batting practice).
Nature blooms (with Grapefruit, Cactus).
Buds are opening (and Bud Lights)
And squads, like Pavarotti's tights,
Are split (by Solomonic skips).
And somewhere, warming up her lips,
Sits Morganna, aging kisser.
This year's Red Sox? Wicked pissah!
(That is, if the disabled list
Treads not on Nomar's fabled wrist.)
Dodgers fans, meanwhile, conjecture
That -- per New Age architecture --
Teammates Chin-Feng Chen, Paul Shuey
Give L.A. a good Feng Shuey.

Neil Diamond's words last year rang true
'Cause Expos pitcher Seung Song blew.
(Pity this Van Lingle Mungo
Shagging a bilingual fungo
In Quebec or Puerto Rico.
Bon voyage. Godspeed, amigo.)
Teams like Peter Angelos's
Stink like camel halitosis.
Spring, however, keeps us hopeful.
Faithwise, Cubs fans have a Popeful.
(To Sosa's gin, add this tonic:
Hee Seop Choi and Grudzielanek.)
Comiskey renamed for a phone?
It stinks, so Sox now wear Colon.

No apter name hath baseball wrought
Than Tampa pitcher Nick Bierbrodt.
For beer and brats -- like Kaats and Otts
Or, on the scoreboard, racing dots --
Somehow feel like baseball totems,
Like Ruth's nickname. Or John Odom's.
Melvin Mora, Alex Cora:
Hail the Latin diaspora,
Which now gives us once a week a
Name like Hiram Bocachica.
(Or, recast by Kurosawa:
Shigetoshi Hasegawa.)
Worst pitcher's name? Grant Balfour,
  though
The Mariners have Heaverlo.

Which reminds us of the immortal tune, Van Lingle Mungo (David Frishberg, 1970)

HEENEY MAJESKI
JOHNNY GEE
EDDIE JOOST
JOHNNY PESKY
THORNTON LEE
DANNY GARDELLA
VAN LINGLE MUNGO

WHITEY KUROWSKI
MAX LANIER
EDDIE WAITKUS
JOHNNY VANDER MEER
BOB ESTALELLA
VAN LINGLE MUNGO

AUGIE BERGAMO
SIGMUND JAKUCKI
BIG JOHNNY MIZE
   and
BARNEY MCCOSKY
HAL TROSKY
AUGIE GALAN
   and
PINKY MAY
STAN HACK
   and
FRENCHY BORDAGARAY
PHIL CAVARRETTA
GEORGE MCQUINN
HOWARD POLLET
   and
EARLY WYNN
ROY CAMPANELLA
VAN LINGLE MUNGO

AUGIE BERGAMO
SIGMUND JAKUCKI
BIG JOHNNY MIZE
   and
BARNEY MCCOSKY
HAL TROSKY
JOHN ANTONELLI
FERRIS FAIN
FRANKIE CROSETTI
JOHNNY SAIN
HARRY BRECHEEN
   and
LOU BOUDREAU
FRANKIE GUSTINE
   and
CLAUDE PASSEAU
EDDIE BASINSKI
ERNIE LOMBARDI
HUEY MULCAHY
VAN LINGLE

VAN LINGLE MUNGO

Posted by Orrin Judd at March 16, 2004 10:04 AM