February 24, 2004
FURTHER BACK:
I married a retrosexual: Here's to men who don't want to smell like girls ... (MARGARET WENTE, Feb. 14, 2004, Globe and Mail)
Genuine guys are sometimes known as retrosexuals, to distinguish them from metrosexuals, who are men with the good taste of gay men, only they're straight. Metrosexuals are scrupulous about their grooming and are great consumers of men's cosmetic products. They use hair gel. Retrosexuals are scared of hair gel. Some people think that retrosexuals automatically have Neanderthal views about women, but this is not the case. A retrosexual is simply someone who doesn't know the difference between teal and aqua, and frankly couldn't give a damn.Secretly, I've always thought that my husband could stand to be just a little bit more metro. Sometimes I buy him fancy shaving cream or scent with a designer name, and leave it suggestively on his side of the sink. He never gets the hint. He prefers a 10-second dry shave, with a plastic disposable razor and toilet paper to staunch the wounds. If he's really in the mood he shaves with soap. He doesn't like anything too smelly.
From time to time, my husband's retrosexuality bothers me. For example, he can't understand why it's time to paint the kitchen when we just painted it nine years ago. He doesn't get why we need expensive matchstick blinds on all the kitchen windows, because we leave them permanently rolled up. He's baffled that my haircuts cost 10 times more than his do, and he thinks massages are a waste of time, unless it was the one he got from two Thai masseuses on the beach at Phuket. There are many things on which we'll never see eye to eye.
But there are certain advantages to my husband's retrosexual orientation, and they are large. For example, being completely indifferent to appearance, a retrosexual will never complain that you're putting on weight. This is one of the foundation stones of a good marriage. Also, it's easy to impress him with your culinary prowess. My husband is so grateful to get out of kitchen duty that he brags about my cooking, even though it's usually quite lousy. In return, he allows me to weasel out of certain household tasks like garbage duty and replacing light bulbs. He knows it's his job to talk to plumbers and electricians, man to man. We are aware that we have lapsed into tired gender stereotypes. We don't care. We only wish there were a third gender to clean the kitty litter. We have resolved our primal conflicts over housework by employing a cleaning lady and drastically lowering our (okay, my) standards in between her visits. This is another foundation stone of a good marriage.
He shaves? What a poof. Posted by Orrin Judd at February 24, 2004 12:22 PM
Teal and aqua are different colours?
Well you learn something new every day.
Posted by: M Ali Choudhury at February 24, 2004 12:29 PMFunny how society (ok, some parts) are beginning to realize that the way society was before the 1960s (i.e. no metrosexuals, before the sexual revolution, firemen/police officers respected, etc) wasn't so ridiculous after all.
Posted by: AWW at February 24, 2004 1:12 PMI have nearly full bottles of cologne that I inherited from my father. Anyone remember "Hai-Karate"?
Posted by: Robert Duquette at February 24, 2004 1:15 PMThis does not help your case - I do all the traditional wifey stuff and still have to talk to the contractors and car dealers etc (because if I don't, you'll give them anything they want to be able to stop talking!)
Posted by: The Wife at February 24, 2004 2:14 PMBecause we don't need any of that junk--just more books...
Posted by: oj at February 24, 2004 2:18 PMHaha. I see that this spousal dispute is pretty common . . .
Posted by: Paul Cella at February 24, 2004 2:26 PMMr. Judd:
Isn't that the other cornerstone of marriage?
Posted by: Buttercup at February 24, 2004 4:16 PMOf a rich and rewarding marriage....
Posted by: Barry Meislin at February 24, 2004 5:18 PMMr. Judd;
The house across the road from us has been working on an addition for a while. We speculated on and off what it was - a hot tub, a sauna, a room for the mother-in-law? Turns out it's for books. It'll have room for two comfy chairs, a small table and lots of shelves. They claimed they had 200 moving boxes of books they needed to unpack. So, it's not always wrong to talk to contractors.
Robert --
My pop has a bottle of that, too!! At least 30 years spent neglected in his bathroom cabinet. . . .
Posted by: Twn at February 25, 2004 12:46 AMI didn't know you used the word 'poof' in America.
Good show.
Posted by: Brit at February 25, 2004 4:16 AMAOG (and all others)-
DO NOT give my husband any other ideas about neat new things to do with more books. Your neighbors had a mere 200 boxes of books - I wish we had had that few when we moved into our (rather small) home. Orrin still has boxes of books in the attics and basements of assorted relatives...
Even our children beg him not to bring more books home (because they are now spilling into their rooms).
So please, have mercy on us...
We've been over all this: the three kids could sleep comfortably in the Suburban and I could fit not just the books into their rooms but my blue naugahide lounge chair from the Salvation Army and my black velvet Margaret Thatcher paintings...
Posted by: oj at February 25, 2004 9:36 AMNo, OJ, I never win either. But an addition to the house: now we're talking!
Posted by: Paul Cella at February 25, 2004 10:01 AMOrrin:
Argument is futile. Just tell the whole family you agree that you have too many books and that from now on you are putting all your money into jewelry, foundation creams and eye-liner. Then hold your breath and pray.
No guarantees, but I got my daughter past the "piercing" stage by threatening to wear gold chains.
Posted by: Peter B at February 25, 2004 10:49 AMOJ, it sounds like you could be described as a "text-o-sexual".
Posted by: Robert Duquette at February 25, 2004 10:55 AMRobert:
The Wife determined yesterday that the proper term is: Neandersexual
Posted by: oj at February 25, 2004 11:00 AMI dunno. I bet I have more books than Orrin, but my wife has more than I do.
So she can't complain about mine.
Posted by: Harry Eagar at February 25, 2004 1:37 PM> Teal and aqua are colours?
What's wrong with red, green, and blue? And I suppuse black and brown are colors too.
> Because we don't need any of that junk--just more books...
Too monomaniacal for my taste. Don't get me wrong--more books is definitely fine. What I'm objecting to is your word just. What about more guitars and sound equipment, just for starters?
Posted by: Kirk Parker at February 26, 2004 1:51 PM