UNSURSPRISINGLY, A VEGETABLE WITH NO TASTE:

[O]ur English cousins have finally crossed the line. Writing for the Guardian, Arwa Mahdawi vilifies that which we Yanks hold most sacred: "the season they call 'fall.'" According to Mahdawi, autumn is "overrated" "rubbish." Instead of pumpkin-spicing everything, she suggests we elevate another squash variety, "the humble courgetti," as our favorite flavor profile of the season.

I simply cannot let such abuse go unchallenged.

My first take on Mahdawi's view of fall is that she's jealous. She writes that the season "has been commercialised to an extent I don't think any other season has." In fact, that America has managed to make money out of dropping temperatures and dying leaves is a testament to our tremendous entrepreneurial know-how. We make and spend money by hyping something we had absolutely nothing to do with, and we do not apologize.

Mahdawi's second censure of fall is unfortunate, but proves she's really grasping at straws. "The leaves turning different colors are pretty, I'll happily admit that," she writes. "I'm not dead inside. You know what is dead inside, though? Those leaves. The trees don't want them so they kick them off and they rot on the floor and turn into a soggy mess that harbors mold and releases spores that give me allergies."

Where to begin. Mahdawi writes that her favorite season is spring (seriously?!).

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