SUCH SNOWFLAKES:

Despite their attempts to draw in the MAGA faithful by playing Donald Trump speeches ahead of their first speaker, the "Stop the Tyrants & Unite for Freedom" gathering flopped. Even with frequent Steve Bannon podcast guest Matt Braynard in attendance, a mere 27 individuals--including two hired private security guards--showed up. [...]

Elsewhere at the event, theories flowed about why the event didn't pan out and draw in the masses.

Right-wing speaker and lawyer Deborah Weiss blamed the organizers for scheduling the event on a sunny Friday afternoon.

"First of all, it's a weekday during the day, [and] a lot of people work," she told The Daily Beast. "Second of all, it's very, very hard for conservative groups to get their message out right before the election," she said before claiming email invitations for the event were censored by suspicious left-wing forces.

She then fine-tuned that theory to claim email invitations wound up in spam folders--directed there somehow by unspecified sinister figures.

"They didn't go into my inbox. They disappeared entirely," she said. "Hard to get the message out!"

Similarly, self-proclaimed "Capitan" Matthew Woods, dressed in colonial attire (except for his run-of-the-mill "khakis"), echoed the claim of would-be right-wing attendees being "fear[ful]" of being back in Washington, D.C. Woods also expressed frustration over the lack of notice to potential event attendees.

MAGA fashion designer Andre Soriano spoke too, flanked by a female model wearing a Trump-inspired dark red dress reading, "Keep America Great." Wearing a black top hat, along with a long pea-coat (a look he called "Abraham Lincoln-ish"), Soriano railed against Biden while taking issue with stimulus checks. By the end of his short speech, he was in tears. Literally. He fell into the hands of a nearby organizer's arms after walking off stage.

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