THE ONLY GOOD GREEN THING THAT GOD MADE...:

The Red, White and Eat Your Greens Party (David Montgomery, 7/11/08, Washington Post)

The folks organizing (if you want to call it that) the Democratic National Convention have spent all week trying to squash a major flapdoodle involving political correctness and color that threatened to confirm every negative stereotype about how Democrats are so hilariously sensitive to the full rainbow of creation and secretly want to legislate good behavior and punish the pursuit of wallowing, self-indulgent, unhealthy happiness.

The colors white, black and brown (skin) were not implicated.

We're talking about red, yellow and "blue/purple" (vegetables).

Oh, and green. Especially green. Green food, green buying, green selling, green money, green -- absolutely everything.

This will not be another story making fun of the Denver 2008 Convention Host Committee's Lean 'N Green guidelines for caterers and restaurants feeding conventioneers Aug. 25-28.

But if you must know, for your own reasons, here they are:

"Lean: Half of the meal (or 50 percent) of the plate is made up of fruits and/or vegetables. A colorful meal -- include at least three of the following five colors: red, green, yellow, blue/purple, and white (garnishes not included). No items are to be fried.

"Green: 70 percent or more of ingredients by pre-cooked weight are certified organic and/or grown or raised in Colorado. 70 percent or more of ingredients by pre-cooked weight are fresh (and not pre-processed)."

Mocking these standards would be wrong. Especially after the committee's strong statement posted on its Web site, entitled "Fiction Fuels Frivolous Food Fight."

As the committee's Greening Director, Parry Burnap, explained in the statement --

Wait!

Greening Director? Is that like, Dancing Instructor? Or Tanning Protector? Or Programming Selector?

...is the New York football J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets.

Posted by Orrin Judd at July 11, 2008 8:30 AM