FROM THE ARCHIVES: WITH APOLOGIES TO CLEMENT MOORE (OR WHOMEVER)

'Twas late Christmas eve, and in far distant houses
the only sound heard was the clicking of mouses.
With faces awash in the monitors' glow,
the blog readers wondered when Orrin would blow.

Our spouses were restless, alone in their beds,
mild oaths and deprecations danced in their heads.
But addicts won't sign off, we just hit refresh,
awaiting a screed 'gainst a suit on a cr�che.

When out of the ether there came such a clatter,
a dirge that the law was reduced to a tatter.
I opened a Window to post my own bent,
forgot to hit "preview" and misspelled "coment".

The Brothers Judd proved that the ACLU
would surrender the vote 'fore judicial review.
But what to my wondering eyes should appear --
not agreement nor praise, but dissension and fear.

Such a snappy retort, so quick on the parry,
I knew in a moment it must be from Harry,
(though being six hours behind is a cheat),
and soon he and Orrin sought the other to beat:

"Now Darwin!" "Not Darwin;
Prayer and conviction!"
"On, Stalin!" "On, Curia!"
"The Big Spook is fiction!"
The path was well-worn, but
they were having a ball.
each vying to triumph and
dash away all!

The furball expanded, we got from Detroit
some arguments practiced, impassioned, adroit.
These arguments, though, were as wrong as could be,
based on the notion that dad was a monkey.

Some positions fell as the arguments flew,
while others stayed firm, held by logical glue.
We all piled in, joining in on the fight,
though toys needed assembly and wives were uptight.

We heard, from Great Britain and the great Northern waste
(Queen Elizabeth's subjects who hang 'round the place)
a classical argument, based on Burke's wisdom,
for antidisestablishmentarianism.

It got ever later, Christmas soon would be here,
finding commenters groggy and empty of cheer.
I knew in my heart I should stop the commotion,
though I might as well try to hold back the ocean.

The posts kept on coming and the comments came, too.
from Florida, Cambridge and from Kalamazoo.
For my own part I knew the next day would bring
a matinee showing of The Lord Of The Rings

So I got to bed late, knowing I can sleep in,
no church in the morning, nor terrible din.
But gladly I wish you, 'ere I tuck in so tight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

[originally posted: 2003-12-24]