October 5, 2006

SHE SO HORNY:

Beelzebabs: A harrowing look at Satanic motifs in the canon of Barbra Streisand (Nate Cavalieri, October 2nd, 2006, Village Voice)

After examining all the available evidence, the dark flower of this mystery opens. Like other musical legends with diabolical legacies—Nicolo Paganini, Robert Johnson, David Lee Roth—Streisand's success can only be attributed to a covenant with the one known by many names: the Devil himself. After all, it's no mere happenstance that Babs's autobiographically touched 1976 remake of A Star Is Born just so happens to boast a soundtrack by Roger Kellaway, who scored the 1982 Iblis-worshiping treatise Satan's Mistress. Or that she involuntarily appeared in an early South Park episode (featuring a photo of her and Satan that she keeps in her dressing room). The Dark One himself speaks to the relationship through author Glen Duncan in the masterful book I, Lucifer (Finally the Other Side of the Story), which literally purports to be Beelzebub's autobiography. "Maybe you've asked yourselves what I am proudest of?" Duncan/Satan writes. "My greatest human achievements are Barbara Streisand and Elton John. Though I'm often given credit for it, 'Sympathy for the Devil' was Keith and Mick all on their own."

Coincidence and conjuncture? Hardly. Once revealed, Babs's discography seethes pure, hellish evil. [...]

Album: My Name Is Barbra, 1965
Song: "Someone to Watch Over Me"
Alternate Title: "Someone Like Old Gooseberry to Watch Over Me"

This fascinating concept album traces Babs's growth from a young girl in Brooklyn trying to suppress a penchant for bestiality ("Sweet Zoo") to her spellbinding love affair with the Accuser of the Brethren ("My Man," "Why Did I Choose You?"). The fire-licked moan of "Someone to Watch Over Me" was also used to spread Streisand's Satanist agenda on a very popular television special of the same name. The Dark Lord, satisfied with the accomplishments of his young servant, rewarded Barbra the 1966 Grammy for Best Vocal Performance, Female. It was a banner year at the Grammys for the Archfiend, who also brought a boon of awards to those serpentine demons of the underworld, Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass.

Album: A Christmas Album, 1967
Song: "O Little Town of Bethlehem"
Alternate Title: "O Cursed Town of Bethlehem"

Nice try, Babs. In a revolting attempt to cover her cloven-footed tracks, Streisand releases, of all things, an album mocking the birth of Jesus. Through her sinister wail its difficult to make out the wholesome message of traditional Christmas- themed music. Nonetheless, the record is widely embraced by the unsuspecting public and goes platinum five times over.


In fairness to Lucifer, do you think even he could stand Hell if she provides the background music>

Posted by Orrin Judd at October 5, 2006 1:48 PM
Comments

Satan, stuck in Hades for eternity having to read Barbara's political musings on her webpage. There's got to be a "South Park" storyline in here somehwere...

Posted by: John at October 5, 2006 5:51 PM

What is this, a Scrappleface wannabee?

Posted by: Mike Morley at October 5, 2006 10:52 PM

Shut up!

Posted by: Kerry, USA at October 25, 2006 4:52 PM
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