SOME MORE CALM AND REASONED DEBATE BETWEEN THE SEXES

Guys, a word of advice (India Knight, The Times, August 27th, 2006)

There’s a huge hoo-ha in America about an article published on the business website Forbes.com. It starts off like this: “Guys: a word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don’t marry a woman with a career.”

The writer, Michael Noer, cites at length a piece in Social Forces, a US research journal, that has apparently found marrying a working woman dramatically ups the risk of having a difficult marriage and that “professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat, less likely to have children and, if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it. Even those with a ‘feminist’ outlook are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner” [...]

You can imagine the outcry the article has caused. Women readers aren’t happy and the website has now posted a spirited riposte by one of its female correspondents alongside Noer’s original feature.

What is interesting about all of this is that I suspect Noer’s central point — that working women are trouble and that you’re better off with a docile little breeder or, indeed, a trophy wife — is more widely held by men than you or I might imagine. It’s not a viewpoint they like to trumpet in mixed company, obviously, but I’ve heard it expressed more times than I care to remember in private.

It stems in part from a sweet but inane desire for alpha malehood — me man, me provide, me gain big-eyed gratitude for ace wage-earning skills — and from chronic sexual insecurity. If your nice little wife is safely at home all day, instead of running around the boardroom with men who might — the horror — be somewhat more alpha than you, she’s more likely to admire your manly skills and talents when you come home at night, and not realise what she’s missing. [...]

The point, surely, is that women should have the freedom to do exactly what they wish to do with their lives...

Surely you don’t think we are crazy enough to wade into this one. But, careers or no careers, any man or woman who is thinking of marrying someone whose opening gambit is that they should have the freedom to do exactly what they wish to do with their lives should consider holy orders instead.