I AIN'T GOT A DOG IN THIS FIGHT....

Larry Legend vs Big Papi (Bill Simmons, 2 Aug 2006, ESPN)

Four years ago, back when David Ortiz was just The Fat Guy on the Twins, I tackled "Pacino or DeNiro?" and called it the most important mailbag question in Sports Guy history. Now I'm wondering if that question has been surpassed by "Big Papi or Larry Legend?", which could have kept me awake for the rest of the summer if I didn't take a swipe at it...

Nickname: Bird had "The Hick From French Lick," "Larry Legend" and the "Basketball Jesus," all of which worked well enough. But Ortiz has become Big Papi -- he could almost drop his real name like a rapper and go with his nickname at this point. And as much as I love the simplicity behind "Larry Legend," the Big Papi gimmick is slightly more unique, especially when you consider that "Papi" is a Latino phrase of endearment that women use for their husbands or lovers and has, umm, romantic connotations. EDGE: BIG PAPI.

MVP Awards: Bird won three in row (1984, '85 and '86) and should have won in '81 and '82 as well. Big Papi should have won last season (even the Yankee fans agree now) and seems to be in the running this year, although you never know with Jeter having a career year and Justin Morneau inexplicably turning into Lou Gehrig circa 1927. The DH thing will hurt Ortiz in any voting, which doesn't quite make sense -- so if he played 90 games at first base and gave you a C-plus there, that would make him more valuable? I don't get it. Bonds won the MVP in 2003 and 2004 moving around in left field like Redd Foxx. That gave him more credibility than Ortiz as a DH? Crazy. BIG EDGE: BIRD.

Best 12-Month Statistical Stretch: Bird averaged a 26-9-8 in the '86 playoffs, won the Finals MVP and cemented a summer of "Greatest Player Ever" features, then followed that up with a career year in '87 (28 points, 9.3 rebounds, 7.6 assists, 53 percent field-goal shooting, 91 percent from the line, 40 percent from 3s, his second straight title in the 3-point shooting contest). Meanwhile, Big Papi just completed the following 12-month stretch (starting on Aug. 1, 2005 and ending July 31, 2006): batted .294 with a .399 on-base and .604 slugging percentages, 59 homers, 165 RBIs and at least 20-25 humongous hits in the clutch. Sorry, those are Roy Hobbs numbers. SLIGHT EDGE: BIG PAPI.

Defining Performance: For Bird, you have to go with the '87 playoffs when he singlehandedly carried a crippled Celtics team through two Game 7s (against the dangerous Bucks and a positively terrifying Pistons team) and into the Finals (where they finally fell to a Pantheon-level Lakers team). And this was after three straight MVP seasons and a slew of buzzer-beaters, so by the time he made his famous steal against Detroit that spring, everyone in New England was convinced that Bird was some sort of a higher form of being. As long as he could walk, we had a chance.

For Big Papi, it's the 2004 playoffs: The homer off Jarrod Washburn to win Game 3 of the ALDS, followed by the homer to avoid the sweep against the Yanks in the Dave Roberts Game, followed by the homer off Flash to pull them within one in Game 5, and then the walk-off single in the 14th inning. Much like with Bird in '87, somewhere along the line it reached the point where we started EXPECTING him to come through every time. And now he's reached full-fledged Bird status -- as Theo Epstein pointed out after Monday's game, Ortiz's ongoing brilliance made him think of "Bird hitting all those buzzer-beaters and when he missed one, people would say, 'What?'"

One more note here: Up until 2004, out of any game I ever watched in person, Bird's Steal was the single most exciting moment ... but Big Papi's game-winner in Game 4 ranks fourth (right behind Vinatieri's kick against the Rams) and the game-winning single in Game 5 ranks first. Of course, if Bird doesn't miss that game-ending 3 against the Lakers in Game 4 by 1/100th of an inch, the list might look a little different. EDGE: BIG PAPI.

...But I know some of you maniacs do.

Posted by Pepys at August 4, 2006 12:02 AM