THOSE MEDDLESOME THEOCRATS STRIKE AGAIN

Phone sex not conjugal enough for authorities (Adrian Humphreys, National Post, June 30th, 2006)

Having phone sex is not enough to qualify a foreigner as a "conjugal partner" when it comes to gaining immigration status in Canada, the Immigration and Refugee Board has ruled.

In a blow to the old phone company jingle of "Reach out and touch someone," the board has denied permanent residency status in Canada to a woman from Hong Kong who claimed she and a Toronto woman "became lovers" during a six-hour session of phone sex.

"In my opinion, the [Immigration and Refugee Protection] regulations did not contemplate that the holding of hands and having sex on the telephone on one occasion, where there was no continued intimacy, would constitute a conjugal relationship," an adjudicator with the board ruled.

"The term conjugal relationship implies a physical relationship involving the physical presence of both partners," Roger Boire wrote in his decision for the board's appeals division.

One suspects the Board would have fast-tracked her if she had been smart enough to strip on her webcam.