GENIUS:

Lost: Chubby, naked chef: Kidnapped doughboy having time of his life in captivity (Kristin Erekson, May 6, 2006, Boston Herald)

Market Basket employees need - or perhaps knead - some help finding their 4-foot Styrofoam Pillsbury Doughboy, which was nabbed from his perch over the dairy aisle in Plaistow, N.H., on April 15. [...]

Ransom notes from the ’boy-nappers even started arriving to the store. Carefully typed out in different colors and fonts, the first letter read: “To whom it may concern: We have been shopping in your store for the past 20 years and if you close the store, the Pillsbury Dough Boy will be baked.”

Each message - there has have been 12 in all - has been stuffed with a photo featuring the puffy Pillsbury publicity piece hanging out at different locales, presumably looking for a new job.

He’s been spotted at the Dairy Queen in Salisbury, the Winnekenni Castle in Haverhill and even the Haverhill Fire Department where “he couldn’t take the heat.”

But after feeling fed up with not fitting in, the doughboy takes a turn toward the dirty. He’s photographed drinking vodka and looking for some entertainment at the Ten’s Show Club, a Salisbury strip joint.

“It’s funny because he kind of looks like the building because it is big and white,” said Jack, who works security at the club. “But I don’t think he would fit in (to work here).”