April 26, 2006


Socialists: Give apes human rights (Spain Herald, 4/25/06)

The Spanish Socialist Party will introduce a bill in the Congress of Deputies calling for "the immediate inclusion of (simians) in the category of persons, and that they be given the moral and legal protection that currently are only enjoyed by human beings." The PSOE's justification is that humans share 98.4% of our genes with chimpanzees, 97.7% with gorillas, and 96.4% with orangutans.

To be a secularist is to believe that the shared bits matter more than the distinctions.

Posted by Orrin Judd at April 26, 2006 12:28 PM

So You Admit That Religion Is All About Keeping Us
Separate!!!!! (four hundred page rant about hateful and intolerant fundementalist christans removed for space consideration)

Posted by: Robert Mitchell Jr. at April 26, 2006 12:41 PM

How many apes could they have running around in Spain anyway?

They should realize that if apes are treated exactly the same as humans they'll all end up in prison anyway (on assualt, theft, etc, charges).

Posted by: Shelton at April 26, 2006 12:49 PM

Well, at least we know there's no difference between a Spaniard and an Ape.

Posted by: Twn at April 26, 2006 12:59 PM

Where there's fire, there's smoke. And in the smoke, from this day forward, my people will crouch and conspire and plot and plan against the inevitable day of Man's downfall: the day when you finall and self-destructively turn your weapons against your own kind.
The day of the writing in the sky, when your cities lie buried under the radioactive rubble, and the sea has become a dead sea, and the Land a wasteland, from which I shall lead my people out of their captivity! And we shall build our own cities, where there will be no place for humans except to serve our own ends. We shall found our own armies...our own religion...our own dynasty. The day will come when this planet is a planet of the apes! And that day is upon you -- now!

Posted by: Caesar at April 26, 2006 1:09 PM

Wouldn't it just be easier to get the dead to vote?

Posted by: jim hamlen at April 26, 2006 1:15 PM

This is far too ripe a target.

Don't all animals share 90+% of the same genes?

I'm waiting for the first female ape to sign that she wants to exercise her inherent right to an abortion.

Posted by: b at April 26, 2006 1:30 PM

Let me see if I have this straight:

Apes, which share 98.4% of our genes, are going to be declared persons and extended legal protections.

Fetuses and Terri Schiavo, who have 100% human DNA, are not persons and may freely be put down.

Does that mean I get an "A," Professor Singer?

Posted by: Mike Morley at April 26, 2006 1:49 PM

This animal chauvinism must stop. It's time for equal rights for plants.

Posted by: Joseph Hertzlinger at April 26, 2006 1:50 PM

I expect to see Dr. Zaius on with Keith Olbermann tonight praising the far-sighted wisdom of the Spanish Socialist Party (and then they'll both get in a couple of shots at Charlton Heston for his NRA activities).

Posted by: John at April 26, 2006 2:09 PM

Is there a point where ordinary people will finally say, Basta, and start backing away from these absurdities?

Posted by: erp at April 26, 2006 2:15 PM

I guess if they can break down the Human/Ape wall, it'll be easier to declare that socialists are human also.

Posted by: Robert Duquette at April 26, 2006 4:43 PM

We share about 60% of our genes with yeast, but I have not ever looked to a Fleischmann's package for anything other than how rapidly it makes dough rise and when I can kill it.

Posted by: Ed Bush at April 26, 2006 6:23 PM

At the atomic level, we share 100% of our elements with apes.

Posted by: Bob Hawkins at April 26, 2006 10:03 PM

Let's see, Bird Flu?


Apes have rights?


Do we have to pay them minimum wage? How will they like being forced to wear a diaper while cleaning the house?

Posted by: Sandy P at April 27, 2006 12:08 AM