November 8, 2005
WHEN THE MOON IS IN THE SEVENTH HOUSE AND THE NEOCONS ALIGN WITH MARS
Stargazer dictates Burmese exodus (The Australian, November 9th, 2005)
Burmese bureaucrats have left Rangoon for a new capital, which has been hacked out of the jungle near Mandalay, on the advice of dictator Than Shwe's personal astrologer.Although they had expected a move for almost two years, most government employees learnt of the order to go only at 6.30am on Sunday, when they were told to leave their families behind, pack their belongings and join convoys moving about 320km north to Pyinmana.
A year ago, Pyinmana was little more than a collection of straw huts and rice paddies.
The timing was believed to have been chosen as auspicious by astrologers.
Moving the seat of government to an easily defensible valley surrounded by jungle is the latest sign of paranoia exhibited by a pariah military regime that fears invasion by the US, which has branded it an outpost of tyranny, and an uprising by its own downtrodden populace.
We are still trying to confirm the rumour that thousands of graduates of L’Ecole Normale were spotted trudging out of Paris on the road to Clermont-Ferrand.
Posted by Peter Burnet at November 8, 2005 7:54 PMThey changed the country's name from "Burma" to "Myanmar" because some astrologers predicted bad things for "Burma". The gods, or spirits, or demons, or whatever it is that carry out these predictions, seem to be about as smart as your average Dem member of the US Senate, or university Humanities Dept. faculty member.
I forsee a link up between the Burmese government and the enviromentalists.
Posted by: Robert Schwartz at November 8, 2005 11:11 PMA regime spokesman, speaking anonomously, told this paper, "We know the plans for US invasion are very advanced. We know the US has been planning for it and gathering the resources for months now, and the final invasion could happen at any time. The attack is truly inevitable."
Meanwhile, it is known that the US Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of staff and his top commanders discusssed Myanmar only recently. We have obtained secret transcripts that record the discussion...
"Myanmar? Where the hell is that again?? Is that one 'o them new countries?"
"Um, isn't that near Zimbabwe where Mugabe invaded it or something?"
"No, no, you idiot, it used to be called Ceylon. It's an island... I think."
No, c'mon dude, we were just there, it got hit in the tsunami, and we... oh, wait, that was Sri Lanka..."
"Is it where Hugo Chavez is being a pain in the ass? I hate that guy."
"Well, anyway, someone get on that and let me know. Now, people, I've got almost NO ONE signed up for bowling night against State. I TOLD you these guys took us twice in a row, and Condi's gettin' a bit full of herself overall, so I want VOLUNTEERS.... by tomorrow. Got it?"
"Ok, next up..."
Posted by: Andrew X at November 8, 2005 11:26 PMAndrew X - that was great!
Maybe the generals are really getting afraid of Aung San Suu Kyi.
Or perhaps some African men have been shaking hands with them, and they fear losing their potency.
Or both.
Posted by: jim hamlen at November 9, 2005 12:21 AMSo, they are moving from a vast, easily defensible city where they can melt into a civilian population that the US would take care not to hit, to a small area where they are the only population - isolated from reinforcement and retreat, yet open to the sky.
I foresee big things for the Burmese officer corps.
Posted by: Mikey at November 9, 2005 8:32 AMMikey beat me to it on this one. The clowns are preparing for the war before the war before the last one.
Posted by: Lou Gots at November 9, 2005 10:58 AM