Q: What do guys who love bacon eat with their bacon?

A: More bacon.

I have cooked "heritage" turkeys before and had no problems (except with birds that didn't want their throats slit). Modern double-breasted birds, I would think, would be much improved by a generous larding.

The real questionis, why didn't the goose, which is fat and needs no basting ever loose its place on the holiday table to the turkey, which is dry and tasteless.

Robert: Dry and tasteless? Only if they're done incorrectly. With a honey-brine, hardwoods and time on your side, the grand bird is a delicacy indeed. We're doing a dozen or so on the smoker Sunday for pickup after 2pm. At 250F, they take a bit longer but that just gives them more time to soak up the hickory, alder and apple smoke. Gobble Gobble!

John:

Do you do mail order? My stomach's rumbling at the thought...

If there's one thing you Yanks know how to do, aside from ice cream of course, it's cooking bloody great hunks of meat on a fire.

(though for breakfast I never seem to get what I call bacon - ie. back bacon - in the States: it's always that thin streaky stuff...)

Jason:

When I was a kid I used to take Peanut Butter and Baco sandwiches to school for lunch.

Except for John, it appears no one really knows how to cook a turkey properly if you read the literature. High temp-low temp, basting-no basting, stuffed-unstuffed, cheesecloth-foil tenting, ad infinitum. John's birds sound delicious, but I assume these are modern birds and not heritage. Modern turkeys are the animal equivalent of tofu, with no real flavors of its own. Hence, smoking, brining, bacon, etc. We did a Guiness brine last year that was excellent.

The latest fad (see McGee) is to strap a couple of ice packs on the breasts when bringing the bird up to room temperature before cooking. The theory is that this will minimize the difference between the white and dark meat cooking time.

Finally, a $15 instant read thermometer is your friend. If you are up to it, carefully cut out the wishbone before roasting. Makes carving MUCH easier. Take the turkey out about 10 degrees or so before it is done and let it sit for between 30 minutes and an hour, depending on size and if it is stuffed. This will allow it to finish cooking and the juices to reabsorb before carving.

Any consensus here on the deep-fried turkey. I've only eaten one, but I was impressed with the moistness, and tastiness, of the bird. Plus, iirc, a 15 lb bird cooks in 45 minutes.

Of course the best-tasting turkey is a breast braised in home-made red mole sauce, Mexican-style, and served on warm corn tortillas.

Jim,
I love deep-fried turkey for a backyard cookout, but for Thanksgiving it's a no go. In our family, the oyster dressing is the best part of the Thanksgiving dinner.

We deep-fried one last year, came out fine (buy a smaller bird, and brine it) but we use the burner for frying up steaks now more than anything else. Peanut oil is $10 - $12 per gallon so if you only use the deep fryer once or twice a year you're spending an extra forty or fifty bucks a turkey.

Brit: sorry, but no. We don't even deliver them locally. You gotta come by the house to pick your bird up when they're ready. BTW, the Turkey Bone Gumbo that you get to make w/ from the smoked carcass/bones is fantastic as well.

Rick: you're right, we get minimally processed birds but they're not heritage. And your points on temp & rest are right on.

Jim: Deep fried can be good, especially if you're in a hurry, but it takes lots of injecting for a truly flavorful bird. And it's can be a bit of a mess - even if you're careful. Plus, you don't end up w/ fond for gravy.

I admit that I am not much of a gourmet. I will cook turkey instead of goose, because the kids would flip. I will not deep fry the bird, because my wife, who believes food is a penance, disdains frying.

I will save lots of time by not stuffing the turkey. I will cook the stuffing in casseroles. John, I would buy a smoked turkey from you, but the 2000 mi between us makes it uneconomic.

I make good broth and use that for a lot of gravy. It helps.

P.S. goose takes twice the time and effort of a turkey.