August 30, 2005
THE MARK OF A TRUE CONSERVATIVE
I see (translation: I don't see) (Libby Purves, Timesonline, August 30th, 2005)
Let us now praise famous men! Judge Seddon Cripps, to be precise: a senior circuit judge who also presides over the immigration services tribunal. Last week our hero interrupted a fraud trial in St Albans with a question. What, he asked, is a sofa-bed? When a witness tried to explain, he asked for clarification: “How can a bed be turned into a sofa?” He listened, it seems, attentively. Earlier on he had been fazed by the word “futon”. Modern bedsit furniture is not His Honour’s strong point.The standard response is to giggle and haul out other judicial questions that have delighted us over the years: Lord Irvine’s ignorance of B&Q; Judge Dunn’s confusion over Pelé; Judge Aglionby who asked “What is a Teletubby?”; and others who at various times have asked enlightenment regarding Gazza, Oasis, Jordan, Linford Christie’s lunchbox, the Rolling Stones and even Barbie. My response differs: it consists of three rousing and un-ironic cheers. Such judges, in their fearlessness and lack of self-preserving subterfuge, show the way to all of us. No human quality is more intelligent, honest and useful than a willingness to ask when you don’t know. We should be less afraid of it.
After all, why should a judge, paid to know the law and reflect on public ethics, be expected to riffle through the style supplements and waste good thinking-time on marshmallow media drivel about soap actors, sporting “heroes”, Jude Law’s nanny, pop musicians and TV for infants? Why should he? He’s not a contestant in some feeble-minded quiz like The Weakest Link, which places cultural dross on the same level as lasting fact. Of course judges need to understand the serious aspects of modernity — like a multiracial society or the weakened status of marriage — but there is no reason to feel embarrassed if they don’t know who Jade from Big Brother is. Indeed sometimes the very question — asked perhaps with sly ingenuity — is the trigger for a clarification of thought. A bewigged figure solemnly inquiring “Who is Madonna?” gives the court and the nation a chance to stop and weigh how important the answer actually is, sub specie aeternitatis.
Excuse the self-reference, but my most embarrassing moment in court came a few years ago when I asked a witness to explain “for Her Honour” what a jet-ski was. The judge gave me a look of withering contempt and assured me she knew exactly what it was, which was too bad because I sure didn’t.
You are all invited to prove your genuine conservative colours by sharing your most humiliating experience involving a public admission or revelation that you didn’t know something about modern culture that absolutely everyone else in the world seems to know.
Posted by Peter Burnet at August 30, 2005 6:48 AMI still don't know what a "dirty Sanchez" is though I've heard it numerous times.
Posted by: RC at August 30, 2005 7:37 AMI just looked it up....thank you for inspiring that Peter, I'm just that much less innocent. Yuck.
Posted by: RC at August 30, 2005 7:40 AMI don't think that its necessarily a matter of being conservative. There's a lot of aspects of popular culture that are truly disgusting to those on both left and right, and its not unusual for people to spend years in withdrawal from the contemporary forms of entertainment. I think you are drawing a false distinction when you say conservative colors; granted, it might happen more to older people (who tend to be more conservative), but I hardly think it has any kind of direct relationship with how one identifies oneself politically. I would actually go so far as to say that conservatives, who see nothing wrong with the ways in which companies these days market more and more materialistic crap, are more likely to involve themselves and their families with the newest toys.
Posted by: TP at August 30, 2005 8:58 AMDon't get married unless you understand the rituals. When it came time to "kiss the bride" at the altar, I lifted my wife's veil, kissed her, then put the veil down over her face again. She gave me an embarrased smirk and whispered to me "you're supposed to leave it up".
I don't know any of these: B&Q (barbecue?), Gazza (Gaza?), Linford Christies lunchbox (who?). The good thing about getting old is that people expect you to be clueless.
Posted by: Robert Duquette at August 30, 2005 9:14 AMA few years ago, we (wife and I) attended a client's Christmas party. Everyone was dancing to a song called "La Vida Loca." I asked who sang that song...and then I asked who Ricky Martin was. Same questions with "Mambo Number 5" and Lou Bega.
Posted by: Rick T. at August 30, 2005 9:36 AMSo, I guess you're saying that ignorance is the mark of a true conservative?
Posted by: Rupert at August 30, 2005 10:25 AMRupert:
Not at all. Wisdom is. To attain such, the conservative endeavours not to clutter his mind with what is going on around him.
Posted by: Peter B at August 30, 2005 10:31 AMTo this day, I have still not heard (that I know, anyway) the Hanson song "MMM-bop", or whatever it was.
Posted by: Twn at August 30, 2005 10:32 AMOooh, snap! Your rapier-like wit and skill with debate has shown conservativism to be the empty shell it truly is! I shall now become a devotee of St Ralph of Nader for the rest of my days!
*snort!*
When I first realized that, not only did I not recognize a single name in the top 40, I didn't care either, I was pretty happy about that.
Posted by: Governor Breck![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://brothersjuddblog.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at August 30, 2005 10:34 AM
I'd relate a story in that nature but I never get embarrassed by lack of knowledge of that nature. Once you truly embrace your geek essence such things will pass from you. Come over to the geek side...
Posted by: Annoying Old Guy at August 30, 2005 10:37 AMB&Q (barbecue?), Gazza (Gaza?), Linford Christies lunchbox (who?)
It's all British stuff.
B&Q sells stuff for home improvement, Gazza is Paul Gascoigne (footballer) and Linford Christie's lunchbox refers to the 1992 100m Olympic champion's genitals.
Posted by: Ali Choudhury at August 30, 2005 10:37 AMIt's not humiliating to admit you don't know something. It's only humiliating when you pretend to know and are caught on it. Lots of things I've never heard of. Like Jello Biafra and the reference to the 'Kodee Kennings' thing in this morning's daybyday">http://www.daybydaycartoon.com/cartoons/08-30-2005.gif">daybyday cartoon.
In my own defense, I danced to Mambo Number Five and lot of other mambos in a New York dance hall with the great Tito Puente on the bandstand.
Now, those really were the days!
at August 30, 2005 10:42 AM
erp:
And of course, these days a simple Google search reveals all. For example in another post on this site, someone compared that Sheehan lady to "Sergeant William Schumann." "Who?" I wondered. Looked it up on google and there were answers aplenty. Wikipedia is good for this too.
Google gives us access to all human knowledge.
Google makes us all cleverer than all the cleverest people in history put together.
Google is the greatest invention since the wheel.
Google makes us Gods.
Posted by: Brit at August 30, 2005 12:15 PMNot having cable or satellite TV puts me out of the mix with most conversations at my office. Nearly every week I'm asked about a TV show that I've never heard of. Apparently there are about a million shows about fixing up one's car or motorcycle, aka "pimpin".
Gov. Breck - I googled Seargeant William Schumann too - wondering when the composer had served in the army and what that had to do with Cindy Sheehan - I've been educated.
Posted by: Shelton at August 30, 2005 12:21 PMThere are so many specialized fields of knowledge today that everyone is an ignoramus in at least 5 dozen of them. I've noticed that most news anchors can't tell an F-15 from an F-18, and liberals as a class are woefully ignorant of military matters. The vast majority of "knowledge" that is churned out today has a very short half-life.
Posted by: Robert Duquette at August 30, 2005 12:57 PMBrit: Have you downloaded Google Earth yet (it might not be as useful in England as it is here)? The idea that you can access that information for free is just mind-blowing.
Posted by: David Cohen at August 30, 2005 1:11 PMBrit:
Your comments reminded me of a laudatory NRO article I read a few years ago about Google, but of course I didn't exactly know when it had been published. Three guesses as to how I found it.
Google is a great invention and the failure to find something with Google is almost definitive proof that it does not exist. Thanks to the Internet time lag which does not mandate immediate responses, Google makes us all geniuses.
Posted by: Matt Murphy at August 30, 2005 6:05 PMThis is neither the time nor the place for a hornbook entry on judicial notice of the meaning of words and phrases, or how the meaning of a non-standard expression is proven as a question of fact. If we need to know more about these issues, we may look it up on--Google.
One of the curses of social acceptance of debased speech, almost as serious as its deleterious effect on our thought processes, is its process of estrangement, whereby we are less able to communicate with oue another.
When someone says that a thing is "cool," are we sure he means to tell us that it is moderately low in thermal energy, or merely that he approves of it? If he says that a thing is "bad," does he mean that it is bad, or does he mean the opposite, that it is good?
When we tolerate sloppy usage, when we fail to require clarity of speech and thought, we, by our pride in thinking we are beyond such pedantic quibbles, commit the sin of the Tower of Babel, and pay the same price.
Here's to the judge who requires precision in the meaning of words!
Posted by: Lou Gots at August 30, 2005 9:09 PMDavid
Thanks for the Google Earth tip. Yet again my mind has been well and truly blown.
Due to some inexplicable blunder in prioritising, Bristol - the proper centre of the Earth - is currently still an indistinct blur. But other than that, wow: put a hat on it and call it a thing!
Posted by: Brit at August 31, 2005 9:53 AMDavid
Thanks for the Google Earth tip. Yet again my mind has been well and truly blown.
Due to some inexplicable blunder in prioritising, Bristol - the proper centre of the Earth - is currently still an indistinct blur. But other than that, wow: put a hat on it and call it a thing!
Posted by: Brit at August 31, 2005 9:53 AMBrit: It isn't all that comforting, but the satellite pictures of western Mass are the sharpest and most detailed I've come across yet. I downloaded it at work and we were able to figure out approximately when the picture was taken by identifying the cars in the parking lot.
Posted by: David Cohen at August 31, 2005 4:16 PMDavid:
So I can see your house from here?
Someone should tell Dubya about this gizmo. He could use it to find the secret nuclear weapon construction sites in Iran.
Posted by: Brit at September 1, 2005 3:56 AM