February 16, 2005
THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY--EARN IT (via mc):
Yep, life'll burst that self-esteem bubble (Sharon Jayson, 2/15/05, USA TODAY)
Kids born in the '70s and '80s are now coming of age. The colorful ribbons and shiny trophies they earned just for participating made them feel special. But now, in college and the workplace, observers are watching them crumble a bit at the first blush of criticism."I often get students in graduate school doing doctorates who made straight A's all their lives, and the first time they get tough feedback, the kind you need to develop skills," says Deborah Stipek, dean of education at Stanford University. "I have a box of Kleenex in my office because they haven't dealt with it before."
To be clear, self-esteem is important to healthy development. Kids who hold themselves in poor stead are thought to be most vulnerable to trouble — from low academic achievement to drug abuse or crime. For those from disadvantaged backgrounds, the stakes may be higher and the needs even greater. But empty praise — the kind showered on many kids years ago in the name of self-esteem — did more harm than good.
"Instead of boosting self-esteem, it can lead you to question your competence," says developmental psychologist Sandra Graham of UCLA.
Self-esteem became a buzzword more than 20 years ago, fueled by parenting experts, psychologists and educators. Believers suggested that students who hold themselves in high regard are happier and will succeed. That culture was so ingrained in parents that protecting their children from failure became a credo. This feel-good movement was most evident in California, which created a task force to increase self-esteem.
"At the time my children were raised, we were suffering from a misguided notion that healthy self-esteem results from something extrinsic that tells you you are a good person," says Betsy Brown Braun, a child development specialist in Pacific Palisades, Calif., and the mother of 26-year-old triplets.
educationalists and psychologists can't really be so far adrift that they consider it revolutionary to have kids earn praise rather than get it undeservedly, can they? Posted by Orrin Judd at February 16, 2005 6:56 PM
There's a great potential "Saturday Night Live" parody here, with the family of a paitent being asked by hospital staff to comfort a grieving doctor who's just killed their loved one due to gross incompetence, because the hospital doesn't want the doctor to lose his self-esteem (Of course, it real life, that same situation would suck a little bit...)
Posted by: John at February 16, 2005 7:13 PMWhat, the self-esteem movement turned out to be worthless new-age garbage? Once again, being a corrosively cynical right-wing troglodyte is the best guide.
For years, my kids have heard me mutter, "Respect is not an entitlement program."
Posted by: Axel Kassel at February 16, 2005 9:26 PMAs John Derbyshire pointed out, what today we call self-esteem used to be known as the sin of pride.
Posted by: Jed Roberts at February 16, 2005 10:45 PMGranted I don't know what school was like for people in other regions, but being born in 1974, I certainly never felt I got empty praise during school. I suspect the self-esteem instead of teaching craze came into play for children born much after me.
Perhaps its just one more advantage to growing up in Illinois than California.
Posted by: Chris Durnell at February 17, 2005 12:52 AMI think it is more the result of small families. One should have to fight for praise and affection (within reason, obviously). Single children never have to fight for anything. Their mommies are always letting them cry and give up. I don't see that kind of thing with my friends who have 4 or more kids.
Posted by: Randall Voth at February 17, 2005 3:50 AMThe extent to which the Self Esteem movement influenced that generation has been exaggerated. Journalists are always looking for simplified labels for generations, of for decades, or trends. There's some truth to it, of course, but I don't think it is as widespread a problem as this article suggests.
Posted by: Robert Duquette at February 17, 2005 4:32 AMRobert:
You might be a little more worried if you spent some time in modern educational workshops or listening to psychologists testify in custody trials.
Posted by: Peter B at February 17, 2005 7:31 AMPeter, of course since you do attend custody trials, you are going to see a lot of this kind of stuff. Just as a proctologist can be forgiven for believing that everyone is an a**hole, your inclination is to see dysfunctionality everywhere.
Posted by: Robert Duquette at February 17, 2005 12:59 PMRobert:
You must be right. My circumstances colour my critical judgment and prevent any honest, dispassionate, critical opinion. Thank goodness you completely neutral, free-floating souls are around to put it all together.
I suppose the next thing you will be telling me is that my views on family and morality are hopelessly compromised by the fact I love my wife.
Posted by: Peter B at February 17, 2005 6:29 PMis the greatness of illinois reflected in population trends ? in the housing prices ? in the economic activity ? in the agricultural production ? in the weather ? in any way whatsoever ? just asking...
Posted by: cjm at February 18, 2005 6:34 PM