January 13, 2005
AND SPEAKING OF BLASPHEMY...
Tell a lawyer joke, go to jail? (MSNBC, January 12th, 2005)
Did you hear the one about the two guys arrested for telling lawyer jokes?It happened this week to the founders of a group called Americans for Legal Reform, who were waiting in line to get into a Long Island courthouse.
“How do you tell when a lawyer is lying?” Harvey Kash reportedly asked Carl Lanzisera.
“His lips are moving,” they said in unison.
While some waiting to get into the courthouse giggled, a lawyer farther up the line Monday was not laughing.
He told them to pipe down, and when they did not, the lawyer reported the pair to court personnel, who charged them with disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor.
It’s in the Bible somewhere. Deuteronomy? Leviticus maybe.
Posted by Peter Burnet at January 13, 2005 6:34 AMA University of Miami Law Professor, holder of three doctorate degrees fell for the infamous Nigerian email scam, sending a whopping $1.68 million to a Nigerian man he believed to be a Nigerian government official, solely based upon the man's claims in his emails.
The money belonged to U.S. Penske Truck leasing and was transferred using a stolen and altered check.
Professor Enrique Fernandez-Barros says he's innocent and was simply tricked.
LAWYERS - QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.
Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.
Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator.
Q: Whats the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
A: Your honor.
Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea Clinton
Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.
Q: Whats the difference between a shame and a pity?
A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, thats known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, thats a shame.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.
Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
A: Just say, "Fees!"
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company
h-man:
My personal favorite...
Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One's a scum-sucking bottom feeder. The other is a fish.
Posted by: Matt Murphy at January 13, 2005 11:13 PM