December 9, 2004
OH, NOBODY COULD HAVE FORESEEN THIS
Bullying victim speaks out as campaign backfires (Matthew Taylor, The Guardian, December 9th, 2004)
A two-metre-tall (6ft 7in) rugby playing teenager yesterday revealed how he was forced to quit school after being picked on by classmates.Mathew Ridley, 15, spoke as it emerged that the government's anti-bullying campaign had run into difficulty, with pupils wearing wristbands to show their opposition to schoolyard intimidation being singled out as victims. [...]
The government estimates that a third of secondary school pupils and a quarter of primary school children are bullied at some stage. Last month ministers launched the country's first anti-bullying week, handing out a quarter of a million blue wristbands to "give young people the opportunity to make a visible commitment that they are not prepared to tolerate bullying and will stand by their friends".
But yesterday it emerged that children wearing the bands were being victimised. Julie Oakley, the founder of Bullywatch, which supports families of the victims of bullying, said: "Kids who wear the wristbands have become natural targets. It's totally sick that something designed to help fight bullying could be used in this way - it completely defeats the object."
Yesterday, pupils writing on the BBC's Newsround website agreed that the scheme had backfired. Rosie, 13, from London, said: "Ugh ... I'm sorry, but in one school near me, it's made it a whole lot worse. Bullies are stupid, everyone knows that, and so they came up with a stupid idea.
The bullies may be bad and stupid, but the astounding number of counseling and educational professionals who make good livings turning an ordinary incident of childhood into a social engineering matter (complete with expertise, strategies, workshops and all the other incidents of therapeutic intervention) are positively disturbed. A victim of serious bulling needs firm and menacing adult protection, delivered mainly by men. The fact that such is now almost legally impossible is the cause of the problem. A victim of more minor varieties needs to be taught how to stand up to it when adults aren’t around. The idea that bullying can (or even should) be rooted out of our children’s lives by adult-guided policies and proclamations of intolerance is crazy and, like much modern sex education, ultimately betrays the kids.
Posted by Peter Burnet at December 9, 2004 6:23 AMYup.
Posted by: Jeff Guinn at December 9, 2004 6:35 AMBut making children wear bracelets makes us feel so good about ourselves, and self-esteem is infinitely more important than actually doing anything. As Peter says, the way to deal with this is through stern measures against real bullies but merely encouraging people to stand up for themselves in minor cases.
If a bully is too vicious, he used to be removed and put in a reform school or prison. Now, he is mollycoddled and enabled by the system, due to pressure from civil liberties lawyers and racial hucksters.
The idea behind the bracelets and the refusal to encourage people to stand up for themselves is quite simple. If they are milquetoasts when they are seven, they will become easily-led sheep when they are adults and the totalitarians among us can impose their will that much easier. If they don't stand up to bullies now, will they ever have the testicular fortitude to stand up to 'authority' or 'the Man' later?
Thank G-d, my father taught me differently.
Posted by: Bart at December 9, 2004 6:55 AMI like the idea of making the bullies wear bracelets. Even better, how about jangling anklets and pink skirts?
That'd teach them.
Posted by: Randall Voth at December 9, 2004 7:57 AMNice little microcosm of our sainted U.N.
Posted by: Andrew X at December 9, 2004 8:12 AMI like the comment about men needed to intervene with bullies. Sorry ladies and girly men, but there is a difference between boys and girls and men and women. When our youngest was being bullied by some street toughs, my and husband and college age son waylaid them in their own neighborhood and let them know they were being watched. The behavior stopped immediately and they never bothered him again.
Bullies bully weaker kids if think they can get away with it. When adult males intervene, the behavior usually stops because the bullies are then in the weaker position.
Bracelets, candle processions, leaflets, sing-ins, etc. just can't do the trick.
Posted by: erp at December 9, 2004 8:33 AM#1 Son, who is physically small, had a problem with some goons up the street. He started taking Take Kwan Do. A few months later, someone tried to start something with him on the bus. He blocked a punch in a way that told everyone watching that he could take care of himself. There were no further incidents.
Posted by: Mike Morley at December 9, 2004 8:45 AM#1 Son, who is physically small, had a problem with some goons up the street. He started taking Take Kwan Do. A few months later, someone tried to start something with him on the bus. He blocked a punch in a way that told everyone watching that he could take care of himself. There were no further incidents.
Posted by: Mike Morley at December 9, 2004 8:49 AMAnother thing that the exalted experts have done with their "no tolerance" policies and the like is to take away the incentives for the "good" tough kids (football players, karate kids, etc) to step in when they see bullying. Now they get suspended along with the toughs.
My sons went to an urban/suburban high school. My older one, who is small physically was a percussionist in the marching band. His senior section leader (nicknamed Pumbah) was a jr. high football star who loved drums more than shoulder pads. He had the build of a tackle, the disposition of a linebacker and a menacing presence (with his shaved head and ear ring he looked like a malevolvent Mr. Clean).
After a week I asked my son if he'd had any troubles with bullying or harassment. He just laughed. He said that the word was out that he and the other freshman percussionists were "Pumbah's guys" and that any trouble would be dealt with directly and painfully, suspension be damned. My son had no trouble.
Posted by: jeff at December 9, 2004 9:27 AMMike,
I had a similar experience. When we moved out to our semi-bucolic NJ suburb, I was enrolled in the local middle school. The first day I was there an older kid, Black BTW, beat me up and took my money in the bathroom. The faculty and administration did nothing.
When I came home bruised and penniless, my mother(ABD in Ed Psych from Columbia) was aghast, and wanted to go to the principal and complain. My dad decided that this would be worthless, and told me point blank,'In this world, you can learn to fight or learn to cry.' He taught me the basics of self-defense, mostly involving a few tricks of which the average bully is unaware.
A few days later the same kid, who later went to Syracuse on a football scholarship, who was in 8th grade when I was in 6th, attacked me in the boys room again when I refused to 'pay the toll.' So, I got him onto the ground, and proceeded to push my thumbs into his eyeballs, causing him excruciating pain and to stop his assault. Some teachers came. I was called into the principal's office and my parents were called from their respective schools in NYC to take me home, as I would be suspended for a week.
My mother was very angry with me and with my dad for failing to obey the rules. My dad's response was different, he took the week off from work, and took me to the places I love to go like the NYC Aquarium, followed by Nathan's, the Bronx Zoo, the American Museum of Natural History, the Metropolitan Museum etc.
I continued in that system through high school and despite my lack of athleticism, nobody bothered me again. To this day, I remain a firm believer in taking a gun to a knife fight.
Posted by: Bart at December 9, 2004 9:48 AMA little off-topic, but Bart's narrative brought to mind a question I have. Is there any way for parents to overcome the silliest examples of school zero-tolerance policies? Like when kids are suspended for bringing prescription medication (or aspirin, or plastic cutlery, etc.) to school? Can they threaten to sue the principal personally? Will the school board intervene if pressured enough? Or are these situations always no-win?
In Bart's case, I applaud his dad (while understanding mom's reaction). Of course, we applaud Bart, too.
Posted by: jim hamlen at December 9, 2004 10:47 AM#1 Son has been given parental permission to defend himself. The school he attends has an automatic discipline policy for any kid involved in a fight. The way we dealt with that was this: I made the assistant principal aware that if Son #1 defends himself, he (and we) will accept whatever consequences obtain from school rules.
Posted by: Mike Morley at December 9, 2004 10:56 AMBart -- Did your bully's skin color really matter?
Posted by: Seven Machos at December 9, 2004 11:09 AMSeven,
There are several reasons I brought it up. First, I am now, and was then, an unathletic 4-eyed Jewish nerd-boy, of slightly below median height. The bully was a predator and I looked like the new wildebeest on the block.
Second, his skin color matters because, in our PC environment, a surfeit of melanin can keep you from having to face the consequences of your actions, just ask OJ Simpson, Larry Davis or El-Sayyid el-Nosair. Racial and class conflict is a given in any American public school.
Third, I wanted to drive home the point that, in a culture where we are supposed to be scared ****less by scowling, sociopathic underclass Black males, who are supposed to represent the pinnacle of masculinity in our ESPN-infested world, that even a piano and chess playing, art-loving, unathletic, 4-eyed Jewish nerd boy need not walk around intimidated, but can instead defend himself.
Posted by: Bart at December 9, 2004 11:36 AM
My son (now 10) was having a few problems with a boy one year older.
So my son and I had a little talk: When he starts in on you, try to get out of the situation. If he doesn't get the hint, try again. If he doesn't get the hint, without warning, go straight for the solar plexus like you are trying to punch it through his backbone. And, oh BTW, I'll back you up.
Fortunately, the school year ended before further confrontations, and now the antagonist is in middle school.
What none of us have mentioned though, is bullying among girls. It is both less physical and more vicious.
Posted by: Jeff Guinn at December 9, 2004 12:14 PMNothing can be meaner than an ambitious 13-year-old girl.
Posted by: Seven Machos at December 9, 2004 12:32 PMhttp://belmontclub.blogspot.com/2004/12/defense-of-realm-dr.html
Posted by: Barry Meislin at December 9, 2004 2:20 PMJim,
Is there any way for parents to overcome the silliest examples of school zero-tolerance
Why not just vote all the worse-than-idiots off the school board and replace them with folks who can think and who have morals?
Posted by: Kirk Parker at December 9, 2004 3:11 PM
Tough to find folks who can think and who have morals who don't have a long list of better things to do with their lives than turn amateur politician, run for election to the school board and spend countless hours listening to every complaint from every parent about every way in which the schools don't measure up and dealing with the inevitable lawsuit-of-the-month from the ACLU.
Posted by: Random Lawyer at December 9, 2004 3:27 PMThere is always that, but school boards seem to wind up with one of two types: either red-faced, uptight, penny-pinching paleo-conservatives, or leftists who spout on about equality and feelings.
Taranto has an example or two every week about the zero-tolerance nonsense, and it is found throughout the country. The wildest ones are usually from pretty rural areas (not NYC or other metro districts - those schools are probably more about survival than anything else).
Posted by: jim hamlen at December 9, 2004 3:32 PMIn our community we had the misfortune of having a state championship level high school football team. What this meant is that the school board spent tons of money on scoreboards, fields, equipment, weights, a special bus, etc and had damn little left over for academic enrichment for kids in the honors classes, college guidance, arts, music, you know the stuff that really matters.
Our school board always had at least one howling Black activist 'race man' that everyone else was afraid of offending. Thus, our high school offered Swahili and phased out Latin just as I was graduating. When you offer Swahili, you need to offer two classes, Introductory Swahili and Remedial Swahili.
Posted by: Bart at December 9, 2004 4:16 PMRemedial Swahili. Bravo! Well done!
Posted by: Lou Gots at December 11, 2004 6:07 AMRemedial Swahili. Bravo! Well done!
Posted by: Lou Gots at December 11, 2004 6:08 AM