November 8, 2004
I WANTED TO GET MARRIED AND RAISE A FAMILY, BUT MOM FORGOT TO WAKE ME UP
Meet Ben Jones, as men become the new Bridgets (Jamie Doward, The Observer, November 7th, 2004)
She is one of modern fiction's best-loved characters. Bridget Jones, the thirty-something singleton, prone to emotional outpourings after mixing chardonnay with vodka and a cigarette or 30, has struck a chord with millions of lonely people across the country.But the character's creator, Helen Fielding, will have to update her. As millions flock to cinemas to see Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, figures show it is now men in their thirties who are far more likely to be sitting alone in their bedsits.
Office of National Statistics figures show the number of single men in their thirties has reached record levels. Last year more than 1.65 million aged 30 to 39, out of a total population for the age range of 3.9 million, were classed as single, up more than 50,000 on the previous year. In contrast, there were just 1.27m single thirtysomething women, out of a total of just over four million in the same age category.
The figures do not differentiate between true singletons and those who are unmarried but in relationships. But the fact there are nearly 400,000 more single men in their thirties than women suggests they are the ones placing the lonely hearts ads.
'The number is definitely on the increase,' said Ron Bracey, clinical psychologist with the Alpha Hospital in Woking and an authority on men's issues. 'The main reason is economic. More and more men are living with their parents, simply because they can't afford to move out.'
You have to be a pretty blinkered leftist to think that a sharp increase in the number of single men in their thirties still living at home in the most prosperous era in history is an economic problem. For several generations now, we have viewed marriage and family as personal choices, but we could afford to because we assumed correctly that most people would choose them. No more. It is tempting to look for a way to frogmarch a lot of these guys to the alter, but what use would most of them be to any woman?
Speaking as a single, childless 45 year old home owner with a good income who would like to get married, the single 30 to 45 year old women I meet are no real bargain either. Of course, I am in Seattle and this is considered a dating wasteland according to the local papers. After 9 years here I have to agree.
Posted by: Pat H at November 8, 2004 2:54 PMOrrin:
In the expensive Bay Area, you would be surprised to know how many people in their 20s and 30s are living at home with their parents. From what I hear, it is happening everywhere.
Posted by: Vince at November 8, 2004 3:41 PM...but what use would most of them be to any woman?
And what exactly do these guys need those women for?
Posted by: Brandon at November 8, 2004 3:45 PMMan is for war and woman for the recreation of the warrior--in both senses, I think--all else is nonsense.
The problem is that modern warfare and modern medical science have made both man and women almost obsolete. Unless they can understand and accept their natures, both genders are doomed to be estranged and dissatisfied.
Posted by: Lou Gots at November 8, 2004 3:55 PMPat: Go to Mosque, go to Temple, go to Church, the first on Friday, the second on Saturday, the third on Sunday. Remember that everything that strikes you as negative about someone in the first 30 seconds will be completely irrelevant in six months. At least for me, it helped to remember that I'm no prize, either.
Vince: For millenia, living several generations to a house did not stop marriages.
Lou: Some of us non-warriors like women, too, and who do you think I try my arguments out on before I subject you people to them?
Posted by: David Cohen at November 8, 2004 4:04 PMPat - Those non-bargains will become more attractive once they have a husband.
David - Your wife is lucky you didn't become a trial lawyer, I'd hate for any woman to have to listen to arguments for why natural deliveries cause cerebral palsy.
Posted by: pj at November 8, 2004 4:22 PMPat, I've another idea for you. Volunteer at a English as Second Language (ESL) school that caters to recent immigrants. My own wife is an immigrant and attended one of these schools. I was always impressed with the number of decent, hardworking, single friends she had there.
Posted by: MB at November 8, 2004 5:28 PMLou:
"Man is for war and woman for the recreation of the warrior"
What?! You have been spending too much time in those Robert Bly retreats. Put the war paint away and learn how to change a diaper and build a deck.
Posted by: Peter B at November 8, 2004 5:51 PMPJ: I was a trial lawyer, although I didn't handle malpractice cases. My wife can give you a good overview of the particularity requirements of Fed.R.Civ.P. 9(b).
Posted by: David Cohen at November 8, 2004 7:02 PMI think the main reason is pretty simple: It's hard work getting and staying married. People are busy, they figure they'll get around to it, sometimes they never do.
The second reason is the high expectation placed on marrage now, in the old days you met up withsomeone you liked, got married and figured the rest out later. Mostly it worked out. Now it's got to be the love affair of the century, that special someone, that one-in-a-million. Some people keep passing over good marrage prospects in expectation of hitting the jackpot, mostly they never do.
Posted by: Amos at November 8, 2004 11:52 PM"Man is for war and woman for the recreation of the warrior--in both senses, I think--all else is nonsense.
The problem is that modern warfare and modern medical science have made both man and women almost obsolete. Unless they can understand and accept their natures, both genders are doomed to be estranged and dissatisfied. "
There's your answer Pat. Go join the Marines and you'll have to beat the women off with a stick.
Posted by: M Ali Choudhury at November 9, 2004 12:57 AMIt is tempting to look for a way to frogmarch a lot of these guys to the alter,Well, they sure won't be interested in women afterward, will they??? Posted by: Kirk Parker at November 9, 2004 4:21 AM