WHERE ARE THE TRAINED SEA LIONS WHEN WE NEED THEM?:

IRAQI SUBMARINE PROWLING LAKE MICHIGAN: . . . and there may be more than one -- says insider! (Weekly World News, 11/22/02)

Fiendish Iraqi terrorists are lurking beneath Lake Michigan in one or more mini-submarines, poised to launch a deadly attack on America, a military insider warns.

"We know they're down there but we don't know exactly where," claims the U.S. Navy source, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. [...]

Authorities have intercepted transmissions that seem to be coming from the mini-subs, with voices speaking in Arabic. Translators have interpreted the voices saying, "The Iron Fish are ready to bite."

The Bush administration is keeping the crisis under wraps to avoid nationwide panic, the source claims.

"The White House is weighing its options because, at this point, they're not sure how many subs might be down there. There could be dozens of these things," notes the Navy man. "If we start carpet-bombing the Great Lakes with depth charges -- which is what it may take to get these SOBs -- people may feel the war has come to their own back yards."

The spokesman stressed that these subs are too small to carry nuclear weapons, but added, "They could still be smuggling in nuclear materials to manufacture weapons of mass destruction right here in the U.S."

Navy SEALS have been searching Lake Michigan, but they've found no sign of any mini-subs so far. But civilian sightings of the subs have continued at an alarming rate.

"I was fishing off my boat early one morning," one local fisherman says, "and I hooked something so big,

I thought maybe I had caught the Lake Michigan monster. I tried to reel it in, but then I saw a periscope come up. You can't even begin to imagine my surprise when I found out I'd hooked a mini-sub."

The fisherman dropped his rod in the water and raced back to shore as fast as his boat would carry him.

"I'm lucky I got out of there alive," he says. "That thing could've blown my boat to smithereens."

The truth is out there. Posted by Orrin Judd at March 13, 2003 8:27 PM