March 10, 2003
'TIL DEATH:
Thinking of marriage? Try this quiz first (David Sapsted and Judith Woods, 06/03/2003, Daily Telegraph)A do-it-yourself quiz to test a marriage's chances of surviving is being published today by Relate, the marriage guidance service.The quiz, the first undertaken by Relate, is aimed at couples contemplating marriage, but the group emphasises that it is only a guide to the chances of finding marital bliss, not a guarantee.
"Our counsellors find predictive tests can be very useful in helping couples work out how to get their relationship to work long-term," says Angela Sibson, the group's chief executive. "Taking time to identify possible problems can go a long way to help couples thrive." [...]
Elizabeth Martyn, 50, a relationship adviser who wrote the book, said: "Often people don't talk enough about how well their relationship is working. By working through simple questionnaires together, couples could "get a new perspective on their relationship".
"This is invaluable in revealing how a couple may be avoiding talking about problem areas and give them a good idea of areas they might need to focus on to maintain a good relationship."
A few points seem worth mentioning:
4. The marriage vows have real meaning for me
Heck, we still think Clara Harris got shafted.
12. I'm happy with the frequency and variety in our sex life
One assumes that by "sex life" they mean bundling, if you're not married yet.
20. We're good at sorting out our differences fairly
Numerous studies have shown that all successful marriages are based on sorting differences out unfairly, with men yielding to their wives.
23. We recognise the importance of talking about our feelings, and can do so openly
Feelings? Are we not men? Posted by Orrin Judd at March 10, 2003 8:39 PM
Speaking of Everybody Loves Raymond
, tonight they betrayed men everywhere and blew wide open the secret to a happy marriage.
On their 50th wedding aniversary, a couple is asked why their marriage has been so successful.
"The important thing," says the wife, "is to remember that the husband is the head of the household."
Her granddaughter is dubious. "Isn't that oppressive?"
The husband shakes his head. "Not at all. I make the critical decisions, but she makes the day-to-day ones."
Granddaughter considers this dubiously. "What was the last big decision you had to make?"
"Well," he considers, "so far, there haven't been any."
Ok, I'll bite. Keeping with the evolution and 80's alternative music theme...
> Are we not men?
they tell us that we lost our tails
evolving up from little snails
i say it's all just wind in sails
are we not men? we are DEVO!
we're pinheads now we are not whole
we're pinheads all jocko homo
are we not men? D-E-V-O
monkey men all in business suit
teachers and critics all dance the poot
are we not men? we are DEVO!
are we not men? D-E-V-O
we must repeat o.k. let's go!
From what I know so far I think the secret to successful marriage is having very low expectations.
Posted by: M Ali Choudhury at March 11, 2003 4:50 AMAli:
How about reasonable expectations of your spouse and working hard to exceed their's.
Mr. Choudhury, that was exactly my answer when a preacher friend of ours (who had just performed a wedding ceremony that began 3 hours late because the groom was on the 11th hole at the appointed time and decided to finish the round) asked me how our marriage had lasted so long. 33 years up to that point.
I got the dirtiest look from my wife I've ever gotten for that, but I think it's essentially true.
Anyhow, considering how many marriages are broken up after 40, 45, even 50 years, I'd say any spouse who opines what makes a marriage successful should keep his/her mouth shut until after her/his opposite number is safely in the graveyyard.