WE PREFER TO BE CALLED "DIFFERENTLY ENERGIZED":

Schlubby Hubby (Mink Stole, 1/15/03, Baltimore City Paper)

I love my husband dearly, but I swear he must be the laziest man alive. In three years of marriage he has not washed one dish, and the effort I put into getting him to do the smallest household chores exhausts me. It's always easier for me to do it myself than to try to get him off his butt. The lawn went unmowed so long I had to hire a neighborhood kid to take care of it. To be fair, he has a good job and brings home a nice paycheck, but I work, too, and I feel like taking care of the house is my second job--unpaid of course--and I want him to start sharing the shitwork, so to speak. We're both getting really tired of my nagging. Any suggestions?

Want to Stop Whining

Dear WTSW:

[...]

I'm tempted to tell you to stop doing the work if you resent it so much and see how long it takes for hubby to give in and start cleaning, but that kind of passive/aggressive behavior rarely works. And instead of just being pissed off you'd be dirty and pissed off, so I won't recommend it. Giving yourself an ulcer isn't going to help, either, so you need to resign yourself to the fact that he's not gonna change and deal with the situation as it is, not as you want it to be. But hubby-poo is gonna have to realize that housework has value, and if he's not willing to do it himself, he'll have to start paying for the privilege of having it done for him.

You've already made a start by hiring someone to do the lawn. There's no good reason why your husband has to physically do it himself as long as it gets done. And why not hire someone to clean the house for you once a week, too? There is no reason why you need to be a martyr to your dirty kitchen and bathroom. Drop your laundry at a fluff 'n' fold. Buy a dishwasher. You're still probably going to get stuck with the everyday picking up around the house, because you obviously care more, but that's just an added reason to insist that hubby picks up the tab for the extra services you won't be performing any more.

So, how do you get the Wife to read this sensible column without getting yourself in trouble? Posted by Orrin Judd at February 3, 2003 3:46 PM