SURPRISED BY THE CROSS:

Doubt is a real part of human experience. And Jesus was so committed to entering humanity that he dared to enter human doubt as well.

The New Testament gives us some insights into this. In the Gospels, Jesus goes into the desert, where he is tempted by the Devil. There, he has to wrestle with the Devil's words: "If you are the Son of God" (Matt. 4:3). These words place seeds of doubt in Jesus' head. One wonders if they played like a tape in his mind at points where he suffered or experienced loss because of his ministry.

What we learn here is that the real human Jesus could be tempted--though he did not sin. Indeed, temptation is not a sin. And we learn that the real human Jesus comes face to face with doubts about his identity. But hearing and even having these doubts is not the same as buckling under their weight. By the end of the temptation story, we witness Jesus' resilience and determination. Soon, the angels come to care for him. Perhaps they give him food and drink to refresh his body, but it's possible that Jesus may have needed spiritual reassurance of God's presence as well. Jesus passes the test, but his faith may have taken a heavy beating.

In the same vein, consider Matthew 26:36-46, when Jesus prays in the Garden of Gethsemane. He is alone. His disciples are asleep. And he is about to enter the final crucible of his earthly journey. What does Jesus do? He starts getting cold feet: "If it is possible, may this cup be taken from me." A moment later, of course, he shakes this off and confesses, "Yet not as I will, but as you will" (v. 39). But this is not faith replacing doubt; it is faith moving forward in spite of doubt. Jesus didn't want to take that cup of suffering, but he still did.

In that moment, Jesus embodied the first character in the parable of the two sons (Matt. 21:28-31): When told by his father to do the work that needed to be done, he declined before changing his mind (v. 29). The second son said yes at first but then didn't go through with it. Perhaps the question Jesus asked his disciples after telling that parable--"Which of the two did what his father wanted?" (v. 31)--came back to mind and gave him clarity in the garden.

Jesus prayed the true desire of his heart, but that wasn't the end of his story. As C. S. Lewis once observed in an essay on prayer, "I must often be glad that certain past prayers of my own were not granted." And we can say the same about Jesus' prayer in the garden. If the cup of suffering had been taken away, we would all remain alienated from God. In the economy of God's grace, God can save the world by a prayer that goes unanswered.

Then, during his Passion, Jesus cries out to the Father from the cross. In what is called the Cry of Dereliction, Jesus shouts, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matt. 27:46). In that moment, Jesus does not call out to Abba, Father. He does not feel like the superhero Son of God. He is all alone, crushed by the weight of human sin and suffocating in doubt. There is no response from heaven, no descending dove or clarion voice--only silence as the blood drains from his still-warm body.

Did Jesus' doubt put God's divine plan of redemption at risk? Certainly not. In fact, his doubt was an essential ingredient. As a real human being--more than human but no less than human--Jesus steeped himself in all our doubts and questions so that he might lead us by the hand in the darkness. The Gospels point to a Jesus who saves us not by distancing himself from doubt but by teaching us how to trust God in faith and doubt.

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