November 8, 2018

LOVE IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH ENCOURAGEMENT:

Matt In VA's Political Conversion (ROD DREHER, November 8, 2018, American Conservative)
  
[T]he very biggest thing that changed me was living as a sexually active gay man in the city and experiencing gay male sexual culture and watching what it did to some of my friends, including one of my very best friends.

When you have been led to believe that you are a Minority, oppressed by the majority, and that the Evil Conservatives are the ones who want to hurt you -- they want to pull a Matthew Shepard on you! -- and that it is your fellow minority members, your LGBT "community," that cares about you and supports you, that you are the least safe when among the evil conservative Enemy and most safe among members of your own group... when you have been led to believe this, it is really something to watch one of your best friends get deeper and deeper and further and further down into the worst parts of the communal-sewer gay sex culture, having sex with random guys and anonymous strangers week in and week out, endlessly, it never ever leading anywhere or to anything, him growing more and more cynical and callous about himself and about his sex partners, him getting HIV, him having bad reactions to a number of the HIV drugs, him experiencing serious depression and mental illness (yes, I know people can experience this without it being due to being gay), him getting addicted to crystal meth, him being unable to hold down a job, him disappearing for long periods... when you get to the point when you find yourself wondering periodically if the next time you hear his name it's because someone is telling you that he's dead... and when he has told you, in moments of frankness, about some of the things he's allowed other men to do to him, in this strange nonchalant voice that makes your shiver, and you think about how you remember when he used to talk about wanting to find a man to be with forever and get married to, but all that kind of talk is gone, gone...

And the thing is, you don't just see this trajectory in your close friend. You see it all over, if you're a gay man, you don't even really have to look for it hard. You don't see it early, when guys are just coming out, when they are full of hope and when they are naive-and I think lots of gay guys start out genuinely wanting to find real, meaningful love -- but over time, over the years, this sick sexual culture sucks people in. And it always feels like, even if you're OK at the moment, it's waiting for YOU. I mean, maybe not for everybody, but I always feel that -- it's there, waiting for ME, too. It lies in wait, sitting somewhere inside me, happy to make itself felt sometimes. If you are a gay man, you can *always* find sex, no matter what, provided you are willing to degrade yourself to a greater or lesser degree (and probably it will need to be greater as you get older), and there is no real bottom or floor there, believe me.

Liberalism today has as a *core tenet* the idea that if you are a type of minority you are safest, happiest, and most well when among your own group and are at most risk when surrounded by the majority. But nothing could be further than the truth when it comes to gay men. The number of gay men who get killed or seriously injured due to "homophobia" or whatever is probably one-ten-thousandth of the number of gay men who have killed or seriously hurt each other via our insane sexual choices, and the idea that we make these choices because of "homophobia" causing us to have "low self-esteem" or whatever is belied by the fact that gay men make the worst sexual choices in the biggest cities and "gay meccas" where the most gays are and which are the most gay-friendly or gay-tolerant. Gay male sexual culture is so incredibly effective at making gay men internalize an understanding of both themselves and their sexual partners as worthless that it has persisted even through an epidemic that killed tens of thousands of gay men within my lifetime.

I remember a commenter on this blog, back some years ago when gay marriage was still highly contested, wrote a comment that imagined a gay man praying to God to change his sexuality because it couldn't be reconciled with his faith, and God not changing it; and then the commenter imagined a gay man praying to God to change his *religion,* for the same reason, and God not doing it, either. And I feel like that second gay man, in the sense that I find that I have come to believe something even against my own will. I *cannot* believe, anymore, that gay male sexual culture, collectively speaking, is anything but toxic, or that its toxicity can be justified or rationalized as being due to "homophobia," no matter how much I might need or want something like that to be true. Maybe gay men who lived at a time when it was much much harder to be openly gay can believe that, but I can't. My faith in sexual liberalism is broken, and since all of my liberalism was based on that, all of it is gone, too.

The notion that it is compassionate and loving to accept and endorse an inherently self-destructive behavior is deeply disordered in its own right.  

Posted by at November 8, 2018 4:30 AM

  

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