IT'S JUST PARENTING:

Some might wonder why my brother and I were so afraid to ask our father for anything. The reason is simple: dads were meaner in the 1970s. Back then, fearing your dad was what you did. That's why so many guys of my generation had such an attachment to Star Wars. We all remember that dramatic scene in The Empire Strikes Back, and the deep, chilling voice of Darth Vader as he confronts Luke Skywalker: "Luke, I am your father!" Boys like me everywhere were sitting in the movie theater clutching their popcorn bucket thinking, Yeah that makes sense... I can't believe I didn't see that one coming!

As much as the world was changing in the 1970s, the world inside our home was much like the America of decades past, or centuries, even. Think about it: our country was about to have its two hundredth birthday, and I'll bet my dad wasn't much different from George Washington's dad; stoic, stern, and authoritarian. But George Washington turned out okay, and we would, too.

I understand that I had a great and fortunate childhood. I was not the victim of strict parenting, but a beneficiary of it. When someone hears me say "Mean Dads," they might think, But my dad was mean and he ruined my life! But that's a different story. Of course, real abuse is a tragedy, but what passes as "mean" today used to just be called "parenting."

I spent much of my childhood in fear. Fear of God, fear of my parents, fear of the other adults in the neighborhood, fear of bullying kids. But fear is not always a bad thing--it keeps you alive. Fearing actual danger is very important. As you grow up you learn which fears are real and which are not, and it's always liberating to discover when one of your fears is unfounded. You think, My dad is going to kill me when he finds out! But then he doesn't kill you. You live to see another day. Your dad is not a murderer­ that's great news to a kid!

Then you realize, Perhaps he wants me to think that he is going to kill me, so next time I'll think twice before starting a fire in the garage. Dad worked in mysterious ways, like someone else I know. Fearing God is obviously important, but how are you going to fear God if you don't fear your dad? He's not God, of course, but for a while he's a pretty good stand-in.

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