FROM THE ARCHIVES: SO THAT'S WHERE THE "HO, HO, HO" COMES FROM...:

Santa Claus (Claire Suddath, Dec. 25, 2008, TIME)

A timeline of St. Nick's illustrious life:

circa 280 A.D.Nicholas is born in Patara, Lycia — part of modern day Turkey. Like others of the Emperor Constantine generation, he enters a life of religious servitude. He works his way up from abbot to the archbishop of Myra — a nearby town — and gets his first nickname: Nicholas of Myra.

325 A.D. Nicholas attends the First Council of Nicaea and helps create the Nicene Creed, which millions upon millions of Sunday School children will later memorize. Tip: children who mention this in their annual letter to Santa receive an average of 3 extra toys.

330 A.D. When a father doesn't have enough money for his three daughters' dowries, dooming them, apparently, to forced prostitution, Nicholas leaves three bags of gold outside the girls' home (or, according to a different version of the story, in their shoes) to keep them from having to pull an Ashley Alexander Dupre. This is one of the few stories based on some sort of historical record and it explains Nicholas' reputation as a gift-giver.

MORE:
We were only joking, but should have known that somewhere the Fun Police would take it seriously, Be very afraid, but not of Santa (Rod Liddle, December 24, 2008, The Australian)

A couple of years back, in Cairns, another Santa was sacked from his grotto in a department store for having said "Ho, ho, ho" to the children waiting before him. According to the store, he should have said "Ha, ha, ha" but he was a Bad Santa. "Ho, ho, ho" might be perceived as being derogatory to women, it was strongly argued. A ho is African-American vernacular for a prostitute, or at least a woman of loose morals, so you can't say it any more. Ha, ha, ha. This is where we are now.

[originally posted: 12/25/08]

Posted by Orrin Judd at December 24, 2009 12:03 AM