November 29, 2009


Even Tiger can't derail ‘this’ story (Tim Sullivan, November 29, 2009, San Diego Union-Tribune)

Once a 911 call gets placed, and the police respond, and the taxpayers are footing the bill, famous people pretty much forfeit the “mind your own business” defense. So as much as Woods might wish this would all go away, and as successful as he has been at stonewalling scrutiny of his personal life, this is one story he will be hard-pressed to suppress.

Whether the whole truth eventually emerges is doubtful. There's too much at stake and too little to be gained from full disclosure. Yet if Woods' wife, Elin, has already told authorities conflicting stories, as reported by TMZ, the couple is going to need to come up with a version they can A) Agree upon; B) Repeat convincingly.

This could prove to be a tricky proposition. Since Woods' accident closely follows a National Enquirer report alleging that he has been involved in an extramarital affair with nightclub manager Rachel Uchitel (which she denies), there's liable to be a little unresolved tension in his marriage. And maybe a whole lot.

Moreover, if alcohol was not a factor in the accident, as the police have indicated, how do you weave Woods' sudden driving difficulties, the smashed rear windows of his car, his facial injuries and his wife's wielding of a golf club into a coherent, plausible and scandal-free narrative?

Windermere officials have disseminated an account in which Elin Woods smashed the car windows with a golf club in order to free her unconscious husband after hearing the accident from the couple's home in the exclusive Isleworth enclave near Orlando. Yet even if it happened exactly that way, that wouldn't explain Woods' predawn departure or his wayward work behind the wheel. Neither does it diffuse the domestic drama inherent in supermarket tabloid reports linking a married man with another woman.

When you apply the smell test to the golf club-as-jaws of life version, then, it falls somewhere between rotting grouper and rancid Gorgonzola. That Woods and his wife have twice postponed police efforts to interview them, most recently yesterday afternoon, only serves to heighten suspicion that they have yet to get their stories straight. (Reportedly, they plan to talk today.)

Bad enough to cause the scandal, you can't provide the punchlines too, TMZ: Tiger Woods said he needed a 'Kobe Special' hours after the accident and amid rumors of affair (SF Examiner, 11/29/09)
When asked what a "Kobe Special" was, Woods replied, "A house on a finger."

That was apparently in reference to Kobe Bryant giving his wife an 8-carat diamond ring worth $4 million after he admitted his infidelity.

"Kobe Special" and "gone ghetto" are enough to keep the story alive no matter what version they try to sell.

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Posted by Orrin Judd at November 29, 2009 7:30 AM
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