PROTESTING OUR PROVOCATIONS ABOUT THE PLAYA'S, PIMPS, & PLUTOCRATS OF THE PIGSKIN

Why Is Baseball So Much Better Than Football? (Thomas Boswell, January 18, 1987, Washington Post)

(24) Marianne Moore loved Christy Mathewson. No woman of quality has ever preferred football to baseball.

Steve Martinovich, Canada's very own version of Robert Neville, took such exception to Mr. Boswell's assertions that he answered every one:

1. Granted
2. Granted
3. Cheerleaders...God's gift to men.
4. Granted
5. Given some of the people who've sang that song, not a plus for baseball
6. Football has also had The Purple People Eaters and the Steel Curtain
7. Not entirely true.
8. I might give you that.
9. Baseball also has Don Zimmer who dresses in a satin jacket.
10. The Redskins haven't had someone who could kick in eight seasons
11. Billy Martin was better than anything in football on this score
12. Nor should he have been ashamed.
13. That was a good Lasorda line
14. Hah! Major leaguers don't chew any more because "It's bad for you!" Hardly manly
15. No experience with pro football in that context
16. Ditto
17. Ditto
18. Ditto
19. Generalization and unfair given steriods in baseball
20. I'm Canadian, there's no such thing as cold weather
21. And 150 of them tend to be meaningless. Every football game counts
22. Granted
23. Anyone who quotes Adolph Hitler or George Carlin automatically loses an argument :-)
24. Many women in Wisconsin would disagree
25. This is true, baseball books are generally better. They also tend to be more maudlin.
26. True
27. True
28. That's true.
29. Screams of anguish! Soldier Field? Notre Dame Stadium? I could name several more easily. A lot of people consider Fenway to be a piece of crap
30. I can dig that.
31. This is a good argument. I'm not convinced because the skill set is so different, but is a good argument.
32. I played football...the face mask is useful.
33. True. Outside of RBs, WRs and QBs, I doubt many football players would be recognized
34. I almost laughed out loud at this one. Many of baseball's early owners were men who were at best ethically challenged. Today? I can
begin and end a conversation with Peter D'Angelos in Baltimore. Today, most baseball teams are owned by corporations so they can conveniently duck a charge into the character of a single person or family.
35. Pete Rose? That's rich.
36. So is any army. And?
37. QB ratings are a clear formula.
38. granted
39. There are a lot of stats in baseball that are useless. Most in fact are.
40. the DH is the death of real baseball
41. Bah.
42. The Fudge Hammer...No jokes about that one.
43. Sigh.
44. Wild cards serve what purpose in baseball? To expand the number of teams? And they want to expand it further? Stones...glass walls...
45. That's plain silly.
46. That bothers me as well.
47. Pass interference bothers me as well.
48. Agreed to a point
49. Half truth.
50. I hate instant replay. Is that computerized ump system any better?
51. That means football is more manly.
52. Absolutely untrue.
53. And they miss a great tradition.
54. Not true.
55. Not really true.
56. True to a point.
57. True. NFL refs should be full-time
58. And there are no reps in baseball?
59. See 51
60. Not true
61. Compared to changing the height of the pitcher's mound? The strike zone (which no one knows what it is even if its defined officially)?
62. Sigh, no long-lived football players? Jerry Rice? I could go on...
63. True
64. Actually it means fall has arrived
65. Ha ha, right
66. Neither is a winner here.
67. I doubt baseball is that clean
68. Agreed
69. That was funny in the 1940s.
70. The only people who praise Fenway are the ones who don't sit in the small seats...and that's from Boston sports writers
71. Ref. Homer Simpson: I never knew baseball was so boring without alcohol.
72. And?
73. Somewhat true
74. This means nothing
75. False
76. Real dances have been banned for years. And football lost something with that.
77. Some rules are bad.
78. And?
79. Not true.
80. Stupid managers don't exist in baseball?
81. True
82. And?
83. Ty Cobb.
83. Hello? Ref. Whining by Roger Clemens
84. True
85. Whatever
86. True
87. There's plenty of humour in football.
88. Funny.
89. Different sports, different methods. Do apples taste like oranges?
90. See 89.
91. No experience with football stadiums...one baseball stadium. I wasn't that impressed
92. True
93. I'll take his word for it. Isn't he in baseball?
94. Ha ha, because they're up in the luxury boxes eating food no baseball fan can afford at the park.
95. Could be.
96. And who cares until September?
97. So?
98. The manliness issue again. Let's see a baseball player get hit by another baseball player and not go on the 15 DL.
99. Whatever.

I'd just point out that the two best books ever written about football are essentially anti-football tracts: North Dallas Forty and Friday Night Lights.

At any rate, Mr. Martinovich is generally far more sound in his reasoning, as you'll see at his fine magazine, Enter Stage Right, perhaps the last bastion of conservatism in Canada. Posted by Orrin Judd at August 28, 2003 1:33 PM