"A TANTALISING CYPHER"

Profile: Homer Simpson: America's Finest Dad? (Sunday Herald - 15 June 2003)

On Tuesday, as part of a debate about the USA's position in the world, BBC2 will reveal the results of an internet poll to determine who is the greatest ever American. With two days to go, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King are doing OK. But both will struggle to catch the current favourite: Homer J Simpson.

It's testament to Simpson's standing that no-one seems surprised by his popularity. But ask yourself this: what do we really know of this noble man -- apart from his predilection for beer, pork chops and hamburgers? We know his favourite movie is Look Who's Oinking. But the real Homer Simpson remains a tantalising cypher; a riddle wrapped in an enigma inside the body of a 300lb, yellow, balding man.

Born in Springfield on May 10, 1955 (or May 12, 1956, depending on which episode you believe), Simpson was, by his own admission, an underachiever at high school. He never graduated -- though he returned in triumph to claim four awards at his high school reunion: Most Weight Gained, Most Hair Lost, Most Improved Odour and Person Who Travelled The Least Distance To Be Here.

But on Father's Day, it's worth remembering the valuable advice he has passed on to his son and heir Bart, revealing the three little sentences that have seen him through life: 'Cover for me'; 'Oh, good idea, boss!' and 'It was like that when I got here'. If only Abe Lincoln had been so concise.

Did your Father ever give you any better advice than that?

MORE:
Speaking of dads (SCOTT FORNEK, June 15, 2003, Chicago Sun-Times)

Ray Bradbury is a master at spinning yarns about fantastic events and other worlds. But the tale the Waukegan native loves to tell over and over--at least 20 times at graduation commencements, by his estimate--is a true, down-to-earth story about his dad.

It was 50 years ago, and Bradbury was preparing to leave the country for nearly a year to write the screenplay for director John Huston's version of "Moby Dick."

"My dad came over to the house the day before we left for Europe," Bradbury said. "And he had the gold watch that belonged to my grandfather, and he took it out and gave it to me. And his eyes were wet.

"And I suddenly realized, 'My God, why do you have to be so old to realize how much your father loves you, hunh?' And I grabbed him, and I crushed him in my arms.

"So, I tell that story at graduations to young men and to their fathers there and say, 'For Christ sake, don't delay knowing your love for your father.' ... Because they're constantly saying they love their mother, but how rarely do they go and grab their dad and thank him for their lives?"

Posted by Orrin Judd at June 15, 2003 8:12 AM