LIFE AMONG THE SAVAGES

G.O.P. Hypocrisy: Unlike Republican appeals to racist voters, Republican appeals to homophobic voters are overt. (Dan Savage, 4/25/03, NY Times)

[G]ays and lesbians are more than just sons and daughters. We're moms and dads, too. My boyfriend and I adopted a son five years ago, and we plan to adopt again. As more same-sex couples start families, it's going to be harder for Republicans like Mr. Santorum to say we are somehow a threat to the American family.

As much as it may dismay Mr. Santorum and his defenders, there really is no word other than "family" to describe the three people who live in my house. When it comes to marriage rights, gays and lesbians are willing to play semantic games. We will use awkward phrases like "civil union" and "domestic partnership" so long as we can get what our families really need: the rights, responsibilities and safeguards of legal marriage. But two adults who love each other and are raising children together? What are we if not a family? What other word is there for us?

In our culture, homosexuality is discussed only when it presents a problem--for the armed forces, for closeted gay students in high school, for those who imagine gays are undermining society. Rarely is homosexuality credited with the creation of something positive and lasting. Desire brought my boyfriend and me together. And it's simple desire that brings most couples, gay or straight, together. Responsibly acted on, this desire is a good thing in and of itself, and it can often lead to other good things. Like strong, healthy families.

Mr. Savage is right about one thing; in our society today homosexuality is discussed only in its most peripheral sense. This is because if addressed at its core, it would repel the public, So instead we get drivel like this, with Mr. Savagr presenting himself as a modern day Mr. Cleaver. If you've a sufficiently strong stomach--and we warn you this is unpleasant--check out instead his little discourse on something called "snowballing" and then see if you think these are healthy relationships--that people who would do such things actually do love each other--or are in fact based on mutual degradation. Posted by Orrin Judd at April 25, 2003 9:07 AM