DYING...QUIETLY:

Will the last person to leave the Tory party please turn out the light...: For almost two decades the Conservatives reigned absolute. Now membership is at an all-time low, it's years since they led the polls and the sex and sleaze refuse to go away. (Rachel Cooke, October 6, 2002, The Observer)

Three weeks ago, I set off in search of the nation's Tories - a group who, it seems to me, are increasingly invisible in all walks of life. I wanted to find out what made them tick, and how they kept going in this, their darkest hour. Many of those I approached were not at all keen to talk; they appeared to have a self-esteem problem. Even Boris Johnson, the publicity-hungry member for Henley, wouldn't take me on tour with him (he's a star on the rubber chicken circuit). 'I know your game,' he said. 'You're going to take the mickey out of my ladies.' When I replied that his supporters should be proud of their politics, he just harrumphed.

In the end, I did persuade quite a few people to play ball, and they were extremely kind and generous with their time (though, to be fair, I paid them back, not only by delivering leaflets, but by buying more raffle tickets than you can possibly imagine). Their planet is, however, a strange and nostalgic one - a land that time forgot, a world of brooches and regimental ties, of pork pies and potted meat (for anyone who can't remember, it tastes like old dishcloth). The good thing about this parallel universe is that it makes you feel amazingly young and groovy, even if, like me, you are in your thirties. The bad thing about it is that it is fading fast - and this has implications far beyond who organises the prizes at the next grand tombola. The opposition is, quite literally, dying on its feet. [...]

The other thing that strikes you is how archaic many of their views remain - in spite of all the talk of change. One young female agent - she was 23 - tells me that she does not believe in benefits of any kind - full stop . In Stourbridge, meanwhile, some of the opinions I am offered - on the record - are just as eye-popping. Here is my friend Les, an approved parliamentary candidate, on the death penalty: 'In principle, I'm not against. I don't want to say I'd hang and flog them all. But I think there are classifications of people who should be put out of their misery.' And here he is on Section 28: 'I do have a problem with promulgating the idea that it's a normal lifestyle, because clearly it isn't. We wouldn't be here if we took that line.'

So: old age, depression, low self-esteem and, occasionally, barmy-sounding views. The twenty-first century Conservative Party. Assuming that we all believe that a fully functioning opposition is a good thing - even if we don't agree with every word its leader shouts across the dispatch box - what on earth is to be done? Unfortunately, I have no answers - and neither, really, do the wise men I consult when I get home. 'They should wake up,' says the historian Peter Clarke, editor of Hope and Glory: Britain 1900-1990 . 'What is happening to the Conservatives is not just about the ups and downs of the political cycle. It's far, far more serious than that. At the moment, they are banking on catastrophe--hoping the Government mishandles the euro, or that some other crisis obligingly overwhelms it. That's a very foolhardy approach.' Does he believe that conservatism is a spent force? 'In this country, there'll always be the potential for a party to capitalise on conservative instincts. Blair has recast Labour using exactly that kind of rhetoric. What the Tories need to do is occupy the centre ground in a pragmatic, sane, civilised way.'

It's an interesting story but her notion of what's barmy is itself bizarre. From what you can find on-line, it does look like Brits have no interest in privatizing social services, but majorities support both Section 28 and the death penalty and a huge majority oppose joining the European Union. From these numbers it would appear that what is killing the Tories is not the age of its membership and their ideas, but their timidity about them. Even if the Party can't bring itself to propose major reform of British social services--especially National Health--it should be able to combine traditional morality and culture (everything from the death penalty to fox hunting) with an aggressive campaign against European Union and should be able to gain considerable traction with a public that seems to like their position on those issues.
Posted by Orrin Judd at October 6, 2002 5:41 AM