SO MUCH FOR RESTORING DIGNITY :

President Was Comedian in Chief at Press Dinner (ELISABETH BUMILLER, May 6, 2002, NY Times)

Mr. Bush used his time after dinner to narrate a slide presentation of what he called "actual, never-seen-before photos" showing "what life is really like inside the Bush White House." The show, a reprise of "the Bush family album" photographs from last year's dinner and Bill Clinton's boffo video of himself as a Lonely Guy in the twilight of his presidency in 2000, was written by Landon Parvin, a longtime Republican speechwriter.

Mr. Parvin is a master at the self-deprecating humor required for such occasions, but Mr. Bush showed off his timing and delivery and had the crowd laughing harder than did Drew Carey, the comedian who followed the president's act.

In one photo in the slide show, Laura Bush was shown in the Oval Office, standing close to her husband with her hand cupped around his mouth.

"She helps me in a million ways," Mr. Bush said. "Here she is helping me pronounce Azerbaijanis."

In another, Nicholas E. Calio, the White House Congressional liaison, was shown convulsed in laughter as he stood next to Mr. Bush.

"I have just said to him, 'So, Nick, what are the chances of the Senate passing ANWR?' " Mr. Bush said, referring to the Senate's blockage last month of the plan to allow oil and gas drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

In yet another photo, one of the Bush family's dogs, Spot, was shown about to disembark from Marine One, the presidential helicopter.

"The thing about Spot is that she is - she actually thinks she's the president," Mr. Bush said. "Here she is coming back from a fund-raiser for the American Kennel Club." Since Jan. 1, Mr. Bush has helped collect an average of $1 million a week for Republican candidates and the party.

The presidential dogs were featured prominently throughout the slide show.

"Barney's in some trouble here," Mr. Bush said as the black terrier was shown being chased from behind the president's desk. "This is the day he chewed up the list of undisclosed locations and we couldn't find Dick." Mr. Bush was referring to Vice President Dick Cheney, who spent much of last fall in secret locations.

In another picture, Mr. Bush was shown beaming in the Oval Office as he put his arm around a woman in a turquoise burka, the head-to-toe covering worn by some traditional Muslim women.

"I try to work with Republicans and Democrats alike," Mr. Bush said. "For political reasons, some Democrats prefer that it not be known they are working with a Republican president, so they slip in the back door, like Hillary Clinton here." In fact, the woman under the burka was Karen P. Hughes, one of Mr. Bush's most senior aides, who had slipped it on as a joke.

In other photos, Mr. Bush showed a series of senior White House officials keeping watch on him through a peephole in the door to the Oval Office. The peephole is real, but the photos of the peepers - among them Karl Rove, Mr. Bush's top political aide, and Condoleezza Rice, the national security adviser - were staged. In a final photo in the series, Mr. Cheney was shown from the back, with his hands in front of him, looking through the peephole in a pose that suggested he might have been relieving himself.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is the vice president of the United States looking through a peephole," Mr. Bush said. "And Dick, I hope you're not doing what it looks like you're doing."

The crowd roared while Mr. Cheney, who was at the head table, turned scarlet.

Are we sure Mr. Cheney wasn't just choking on a hunk of steak when he turned red? Posted by Orrin Judd at May 6, 2002 10:46 AM