IT WOULD BE MORE NEWSWORTHY IF IT WEREN'T DRIVEL:

Six years ago I submitted a paper for a panel, "On the Absence of Absences" that was to be part of an academic conference later that year--in August 2010. Then, and now, I had no idea what the phrase "absence of absences" meant. The description provided by the panel organizers, printed below, did not help. The summary, or abstract of the proposed paper--was pure gibberish, as you can see below. I tried, as best I could within the limits of my own vocabulary, to write something that had many big words but which made no sense whatsoever. I not only wanted to see if I could fool the panel organizers and get my paper accepted, I also wanted to pull the curtain on the absurd pretentions of some segments of academic life. To my astonishment, the two panel organizers--both American sociologists--accepted my proposal and invited me to join them at the annual international conference of the Society for Social Studies of Science to be held that year in Tokyo.

I am not the first academic to engage in this kind of hoax. In 1996, in a well-known incident, NYU physicist Alan Sokal pulled the wool over the eyes of the editors of Social Text, a postmodern cultural studies journal. He submitted an article filled with gobbledygook to see if they would, in his words, "publish an article liberally salted with nonsense if it (a) sounded good and (b) flattered the editors' ideological preconceptions." His article, "Transgressing the Boundaries: Towards a Transformative Hermeneutics of Quantum Gravity" (published in the Spring/Summer 1996 issue), shorn of its intentionally outrageous jargon, essentially made the claim that gravity was in the mind of the beholder. Sokal's intent was not simply to pull a fast-one on the editors, but to challenge the increasingly popular "post-modern" view that there are no real facts, just points-of-view. His paper made the bogus case that gravity, too, was a "social construction." As soon as it was published, Sokal fessed up in another journal (Lingua Franca, May 1996), revealing that his article was a sham, describing it as "a pastiche of Left-wing cant, fawning references, grandiose quotations, and outright nonsense ... structured around the silliest quotations [by postmodernist academics] he could find about mathematics and physics."

Sokal's ruse was more ambitious than mine. He wrote an entire article. I simply wrote a 368-word abstract. He submitted his for publication. I just submitted mine to a conference. Although his paper was filled with absurd statements, it actually reached a conclusion--however bogus--that gravity was still an idea open to serious debate. In doing so, Sokal actually had a serious point to make about the silliness of much "post-modern" thinking that viewed science as a version of the humanities where all views should be given equal weight. 

My paper had no point at all. It was filled entirely with non-sequiturs. I didn't even bother to mention anything about "the absence of absences," because I had no idea what it meant and would have thus revealed my ignorance of the panel's organizing theme. 

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