March 24, 2006

DECAF?:

Cheney's Needs on the Road: What, No NPR? (ELISABETH BUMILLER, 3/24/06, NY Times)

Vice President Dick Cheney may be a rock star only to his most ardent Republican supporters, but he has on-the-road demands just like the Rolling Stones. Still, Mr. Cheney appears easier to please than Mick Jagger or Keith Richards.

At least that was the evidence from "Vice Presidential Downtime Requirements," the heading of a document posted Thursday on the Smoking Gun Web site and confirmed as authentic by Mr. Cheney's office.

The document listed 13 requirements. Among them were these: All televisions sets in Mr. Cheney's hotel suite should be tuned to Fox News, all lights should be on, and the thermostat set at 68 degrees. Mr. Cheney should have a queen- or king-size bed, a desk with a chair, a private bathroom, a container for ice, a microwave oven and a coffee pot, with decaf brewed before arrival.

The vice president should also have four cans of caffeine-free Diet Sprite and four to six bottles of water. He must have the hotel restaurant menu, with a copy faxed ahead to his advance office. If his wife is with him, she should have two bottles of sparkling water, either Calistoga or Perrier.


A bit too Tom Hagen.

Posted by Orrin Judd at March 24, 2006 9:32 AM
Comments

Nothing unusual or unreasonable, so why is this newsworthy?

Posted by: erp at March 24, 2006 10:05 AM

It's "news" because the American public has an insatiable appetite for trivia about the lives of celebrities, no matter how minor the celebrity, or inane the minutiae.
Recall how much we knew about Brian "Kato" Kaelin and Susan Powter, or know now about Paris Hilton.

At least Mr. Cheney is a person about whom it might make some sense to know all, regardless of how mundane.

Further, all American children ought to spend an hour being taught Cheney's bio; it might provide inspiration and guidance.
Regardless of what one might think of his personality or politics, he's one sharp cookie who has been involved in a lot of highest-level decision-making for this nation, and has been successful as a politician, political appointee, and business leader, as both an executive and a legislator.

Posted by: Michael Herdegen [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 24, 2006 10:47 AM

I know this is fake because it doesn't mention the live puppies that Cheney consumes by the wagon load.

Posted by: Bryan at March 24, 2006 11:03 AM

Besides, everybody knows Cheney only drinks distilled water, or rain water, and pure grain alchohol.

Posted by: joe shropshire at March 24, 2006 11:42 AM

Thanks for the DR. STRANGELOVE reference. Buck Turgidson lives!

Posted by: John Barrett Jr. at March 24, 2006 12:00 PM

A bucket of ice?

A private bathroom?

A desk? With a chair?

Good God! How much more will this impossible man demand of us?!?

Posted by: Dreadnought at March 24, 2006 12:13 PM

OTOH, the special requirements for John Forbes Kerry might make us all laugh. Vindaloo! Snowboards! Foie gras! Five SUVs! No fire hydrants in front! And on and on....

Posted by: jim hamlen at March 24, 2006 12:32 PM

Specifically, five SUV's cleverly disguised as Priuses.

As for Cheney, I think I understand what this really means:

68 degrees seems awfully low for a guy from Wyoming. Unless, of course, he's actually a reptile. Or a vampire, but I'd go with the former because...

The bucket of ice is clearly to keep his reptilian flesh cool.

The microwave is for cooking live puppies.

The coffee is for scalding Guantanamo detainees and overzealous reporters.

The Diet Sprite, I admit, I can't figure out.

Posted by: Timothy at March 24, 2006 1:07 PM

This is news? I know SVPs in my company who get far more than this on a trip/event.

Posted by: AWW at March 24, 2006 1:17 PM

Based on the list, I want to hear about the time Cheney wasn't given a private bathroom and had to share facilities like someone in a youth hostel.

Posted by: John at March 24, 2006 1:18 PM

Timothy, make that a Hummer with an "All Electric" logo on the side.

Deadeye Dick must bring his own gear for shooting skeet out the window in the morning.

Otherwise Michael, I'm with you all the way. "He's the Man" ... "big time."

Posted by: Genecis at March 24, 2006 2:15 PM

I failed to notice the byline on this story.

I wonder what Elisabeth Bumiller's requirements are? Closer to John F. Kerry's (and Sheila Jackson Lee's) than Cheney's, I bet.

Posted by: jim hamlen at March 24, 2006 2:32 PM

Considering that most of these items are, you know, pretty standard in most hotels tells a tale. The tale of pretty average in tastes.

Note: Decaf coffee. Nothing special, just decaf.

Posted by: Mikey at March 24, 2006 6:21 PM
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