August 21, 2005

JUST GET DARREN (Via Robert Schwartz):

No squirrels allowed, Paso Robles schools say: Paso Robles Public Schools may put an end to its overpopulation of the rodents with a $2,000 extermination system that involves propane (Monika Tjia, 8/18/05, The Tribune)

On any given day, a dozen squirrels scamper on the field at Pat Butler Elementary in Paso Robles, slipping in and out of holes the size of softballs. That may soon end.

The Paso Robles Public Schools is considering buying squirrel extermination systems called the Rodenator Pro for its more than 10 campuses.

The $2,000 system exterminates the critters by releasing a mixture of propane and oxygen into a hole and lighting a fire. It was demonstrated by a Pinedale, Calif., distributor at Pat Butler Elementary last week.

Growing up in the 'hood, our school had a simpler and cheaper approach--the teachers would send for Darren when there was a rat in the classroom. Darren had gotten his growth spurt early and was a kind of 5th grade version of Lawrence Tayler. He'd go borrow a hammer from the janitor and take care of the rat.

Posted by Orrin Judd at August 21, 2005 8:41 AM

Couldn't they employ a few cats?

Has the fire marshall approved this plan?

Posted by: Robert Duquette at August 21, 2005 11:03 AM

Squirrels are just rats that don't shave their tails.

Posted by: Raoul Ortega at August 21, 2005 11:52 AM

Rats are just pigeons that have shaved their feathers.

Posted by: Mike Beversluis at August 21, 2005 1:51 PM

If I still had my sling shot...

Posted by: AllenS at August 21, 2005 1:53 PM

When I was 11 or 12, a buddy of mine had some firecrackers. There being no frogs about, we blew up some of my dad's tomatoes (this is before I acquired a taste for the garden variety myself). Anyway, when my dad wanted to know what the hell happened to his tomatoes (quarters, thirds, and halves of which were lying about the garden), I said I saw some squirrels at them. Thus began The War Against the Squirrels. First, he just live-trapped them in a "hav-a-hart" and let them go at a park about a mile away. Then he caught (what he thought) was the same one more than once, and it's been an eradication policy ever since. He takes them from the trap and "teaches them to swim." They never learn... Even after I 'fessed up to the firecrackers much later, the policy continues. I think he just likes killin' squirrels.

Posted by: ted welter at August 21, 2005 3:31 PM

Unfortunately the squirrels hereabouts live in tree nests, otherwise I would go out and by me one of them gizmos.

squirrles = bushy tailed tree rats
pigeons = sky rats
deer = rats on stilts aka/ rats with press agents

Posted by: Robert Schwartz at August 21, 2005 4:25 PM

Or you could hire this enterprising young man (via Kim Du Toit):

Like any red-blooded, masculine man of the male gender, I love PVC weaponry. You should too.

Posted by: joe shropshire at August 21, 2005 5:19 PM

Joe Where do you come up with these things?

Posted by: Robert Schwartz at August 21, 2005 6:34 PM

Heheheheheheh: I have my armies of street urchins, just as Sherlock Holmes did.

Posted by: joe shropshire at August 21, 2005 6:56 PM

I know for a fact that joe is installing our squirrel munchbox on our deck railing as I type this. They destroy one every few years. So much for the PVC and street urchin remedy. Oh joe, say it ain't so?!?!?!

Posted by: razorgirl at August 21, 2005 8:24 PM