September 30, 2004


Kerry under spotlight as his campaign glows to code orange (Caroline Overington, October 1, 2004, Sydney Morning Herald)

There is not a woman alive who will not sympathise with the Democrat John Kerry for doing what he did this week.

Who among us has not done the same thing? That is, made a stupid, stupid decision regarding our appearance right before a very important event.

Senator Kerry, who is trying to win the race for the White House, hit the bottle.

The fake tan bottle. Or perhaps the sun bed, nobody is sure. But whatever, the day before the first TV debate with President George Bush, Kerry turned orange.

Not a little bit orange. His face is like a Halloween pumpkin. Or, as the New York Post put it, Kerry - who is from icy Boston - suddenly has a tan "even George Hamilton would envy".

Everybody has noticed, of course. Talkback callers in the US jumped on the airwaves to have a good chuckle.

The comedian Jay Leno said that Kerry's face was, like a city faced with terrorism, on orange alert. Matt Drudge, who runs the Drudge Report website, wondered whether Kerry had been campaigning too much "in the rust belt".

The tan was so obvious that the Kerry camp - which wants to get back to debating the big issues, like war - was forced to explain it. It said Kerry got the tan by basking in the sun at a football match.

Yeah, the tanning dangers at Lambert Field are notorious...

Knowing that they could turn the Senator into a laughingstock demonstrates, yet again, how smart George Bush and Karl Rove are about politics.

Posted by Orrin Judd at September 30, 2004 2:59 PM

I have no doubt that "football match" is an exact quote.

Posted by: David Cohen at September 30, 2004 3:19 PM

There is a big difference between a "tan" and a sunburn. Even in Wisconsin.

Posted by: ratbert at September 30, 2004 3:21 PM

David, you beat me to it. Could they have meant a soccer match?

Posted by: Bartman at September 30, 2004 3:40 PM

"Soccer match"? Of course not!

The Kennedys played FOOTBALL, remember?


Posted by: Andrew X at September 30, 2004 4:49 PM

It sounds to me like he took too many tanning pills. The color not from any form of natural tanning.

Posted by: Annoying Old Guy at September 30, 2004 4:49 PM

He's been Mike Teevee, an oompa loompa--what's next?

Posted by: David Hill, The Bronx at September 30, 2004 5:02 PM

Of course, everyone knows that the fake tan bottle was planted by that devious Karl Rove.

Posted by: Josh Silverman at September 30, 2004 5:28 PM


His running mate is such a lightweight he has to be hooked on fizzy lifting drink.

Posted by: oj at September 30, 2004 6:13 PM

You can just imagine Willy Wonka shouting as Kerry reaches for the tanning bottle, "I wouldn't do that! I really wouldn't" - or maybe a whispered "No. Don't. Stop."

Posted by: John Barrett Jr. at September 30, 2004 6:32 PM

Since he's assumed Dean's position on Iraq, do we now have a corresponding "Yearg!" moment from Kerry's campaign?

Posted by: MikeB at September 30, 2004 6:39 PM

Faking tanning goop? Could Kerry be any more of a girlyman?

You just know that he wears enough cologne to smell like a Parisian house of ill repute.

Posted by: Bart at October 1, 2004 6:51 AM

Oompa-loompa, Oompa-hee-hee;
If you're Bright, you will vote for ME!
Oompa-loompa, Oompa-hee-hom;
Did you know I Served In Vietnam?
Oompa! Loompa!
Oompa! Loompa!

Posted by: Ken at October 1, 2004 11:53 AM
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