September 18, 2003

TOO FEW SWITCH-HITTERS?:

Playing by the Rules: A Houston softball team accuses Atlanta of being too straight (Michael Serazio, Sep 18, 2003, Houston Press)

At the Gay Softball World Series in Washington, D.C., last month, a Houston team filed a protest with tournament officials alleging that another team wasn't gay enough. The Houston Force, of the Montrose Softball League, sought to disqualify the Atlanta Power for having two more straight players than the rules allowed. After a rigorous inquisition -- they brought players in one by one and asked which side of the plate they swing from -- the Atlanta club was exonerated and allowed to play.

Their coach, however, complained to a local paper: "The only reason that they brought the protest was that they had never seen the guys at a gay establishment and they don't talk gay…It was a bogus protest basically."


There's a complaint you'll never hear about a soccer team: that they aren't gay enough.

Posted by Orrin Judd at September 18, 2003 7:11 PM
Comments

It raises that old diamond question, can a straight man hit a curve?

Posted by: Harry Eagar at September 18, 2003 8:13 PM

I'm very confused. If this is a social league, why let any straights play? If it is competitive, does the straight quota amount to an admission that gays aren't as good as straights at baseball?

Or am I getting too old to understand anything anymore?

Posted by: Peter B at September 18, 2003 8:19 PM

My questions, precisely, Peter.

Posted by: Jeff Guinn at September 18, 2003 9:05 PM

Hmm, if there's some sort of test to prove you're gay or straight, I certainly hope that it's written and not oral.

Okay, okay, this was easy. So, I need better joke writers. Whaddya want, Letterman?

SMG

Posted by: SteveMG at September 18, 2003 11:44 PM

How exactly does one prove that one is homosexual? Are you required to perform certain acts, duly witnessed, to prove it? Is there an organization that does the certification? Do they offer classes on how to pass the tests the first time, and offer free retests if you fail? Do you have to renew your certification on a regular basis, or is it good for a lifetime?

Posted by: Raoul Ortega at September 19, 2003 1:06 AM

Kinda like the Disabled sports arguing over how disabled one has to be, to participate.

Posted by: Michael Herdegen at September 19, 2003 5:34 AM

The basis for this whole argument actually sounds like a great "high concept" premise for the next Adam Sandler movie...

Posted by: John at September 19, 2003 7:49 AM

This reminds me of an apocryphal story I heard several years back, when I was working for the Air Force. Seems that during the late 90's, a large number of enlisted guys in computer-related career fields were wanting to get out of the military early and cash in on high-dollar tech jobs. When 'don't ask, don't tell' came into effect, a lot of them would just walk into their commander's or first sergeant's office and say, "Sir, I've decided that I'm gay," and get discharged (no pun intended--yet).

Anyway, the story goes that one first shirt heard this once or twice, and after that made it a practice to call in the nastiest male crew dog in the unit, and with the "gay" enlisted guy in his office, point to said crew dog and say, "Okay. Prove it!"

Posted by: Will Collier at September 19, 2003 8:51 AM

Raoul:

You have to sing three Barbra Streisand tunes off the top of your head.

Posted by: oj at September 19, 2003 9:21 AM

One word: Gaydar.

Posted by: Jeff Guinn at September 19, 2003 1:49 PM

Well, okay, a few more words: index & ring finger lengths.

Heterosexual men have a significant difference between the length of the index and ring fingers.

Women, and (somewhere between most and all--I can't remember off hand) homosexual men, do not.

Source: Nature via Nurture.

Posted by: Jeff Guinn at September 19, 2003 1:55 PM
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