November 06, 2004
JOYFUL, JOYFUL:
Trench Warfare (Newsweek, 11/15/2004)
The morning after the Feb. 3 primaries, which vaulted Kerry into a virtually insurmountable lead, the candidate was fuming over his missing hairbrush. He and his aides were riding in a van on the way to a Time magazine cover-photo shoot. Nicholson had left the hairbrush behind. “Sir, I don’t have it,” he said, after rummaging in the bags. “Marvin, f—-!” Kerry said. The press secretary, David Wade, offered his brush. “I’m not using Wade’s brush,” the long-faced senator pouted. “Marvin, f—-, it’s my Time photo shoot.”Nicholson was having a bad day. Breakfast had been late and rushed and not quite right for the senator. In the van, Kerry was working his cell phone and heard the beep signaling that the phone was running out of juice. “Marvin, charger,” he said without turning around. “Sorry, I don’t have it,” said Nicholson, who was sitting in the rear of the van. Now Kerry turned around. “I’m running this campaign myself,” he said, looking at Nicholson and the other aides. “I get myself breakfast. I get myself hairbrushes. I get myself my cell-phone charger. It’s pretty amazing.” In silent frustration, Nicholson helplessly punched the car seat.
A man who can't manage breakfast, his hair, and his cell-phone wanted to manage the national security of the United States of America. Glory be to God, he failed.
I propose a Constitutional amendment: no man who has a personal valet can be elected President of the United States.
This is hilarious on so many levels.
First, the idea that someone who all but wore the Imperial Purple and was carried around in a sedan chair could appeal to Middle America is laughable on its face. Second, the speed with which all the 'Kerry was a terrible candidate' stories are coming out of the MSM is greater than even I had thought. They are desperate to find some means of arguing that it was the messenger and not their hoary, dopey message. Finally, just the sheer comedy of his off-camera behavior, and occasional on-camera behavior, makes one imagine Margaret Dumont channeling the Three Stooges.
Posted by: Bart at November 6, 2004 10:38 AMI feel for this Marvin Nicholson guy. I've had bosses like that and it ain't fun and getting away from them is like getting out of a gulag. Marvin must be one of the few Demmycrats who is sleeping soundly these days.
Posted by: Governor Breck at November 6, 2004 10:55 AMI forget who said it but - No man is a hero to his valet.
Posted by: George at November 6, 2004 12:09 PMI have no problem with a president having a valet. I have a big problem with a president who is a rude jerk to his valet.
Posted by: PapayaSF at November 6, 2004 01:32 PMI'll vote for that if you'll add personal trainer and life coach
Posted by: Harry Eagar at November 6, 2004 01:54 PMI am reminded of the movie "Swimming With Sharks".
Posted by: Pat H at November 6, 2004 02:04 PMHarry:
There is a fund-raising auction for my kid's school tonight. One of the exciting things we can bid on is a gift certificate for two hours free service from a "professional organizing consultant". I can't wait.
Posted by: Peter B at November 6, 2004 02:17 PMWhat we need is an amendment that say that no member of the Senate may receive an electoral vote.
Posted by: Raoul Ortega at November 6, 2004 02:47 PMSpare a thought for Andy Card, who takes this much guff from the President and more, every day.
Posted by: Eugene S. at November 6, 2004 05:25 PMEugene:
However, I'll bet that Andy Card has told Bush to go jump himself a few times, and not suffered for it. Had Marvin said that to Kerry, he would never work in MA or D.C. again.
Posted by: jim hamlen at November 6, 2004 09:56 PMPeter, one of the members of my Tuesday tech group used to be a life coach, but one of her Hollywood clients talked her into changing it into 'life strategist.'
Reminds me of a story chiropractors tell to diss real doctors. Guy's feet hurt. He spent hundreds of dollars going to doctor after doctor, who prescribed powerful pills, but his feet still hurt.
A friend told him, 'Listen, go to my chiropractor. He's great.' So he did. The chiropractor checked him out and examined his feet and his shoes, and told him to buy shoes one size bigger.
The pain went away.
Chiropractors tell this story to point a moral that physicians are careless, don't listen, overprescribe powerful drugs of doubtful utility.
I draw a different moral: The ideal chiropractic patient is somebody so stupid he has to pay someone to tell him to buy shoes that fit.
Posted by: Harry Eagar at November 7, 2004 01:36 AMHarry - That foot thing recently happened to me - apparently it's very common around age 40 that the shoe size that fit you for 25 years becomes too small and you have to move up a size. Your foot still fits in the shoe, but it doesn't have room to splay out on impact. The change happens so slowly you don't notice it. My doctor didn't recognize the problem, and referred me to a podiatrist, who said my doctor must have "flunked Podiatry 101."
Posted by: pj at November 7, 2004 07:38 AM